One Little Joy of Christmas....

 

The day after Thanksgiving - the day that NorthernMommy insists on decorating the house for Christmas. It's kind of a sickness with her - the family must assist her in dragging a tree home, stringing lights all over it, and hanging ornaments. When that is complete, the family must help with placing an amazing assortment of Nativity scenes, snowmen, and other decorations all around the house.

It's all good, and the house does look festive and welcoming when it's all done, but there is one thing that always ends up driving NorthernDaddy insane.

 

The Snowman.

 

This snowman hangs from the doorknob and, any time the door is opened, plays "Feliz Navidad". Now, "Feliz Navidad" is a perfectly fine holiday song, but there's a problem with the doorknob that LittleNortherner insists that the snowman be hung on:  it's the door that NorthernDaddy has to go through in order to get to the recycling bins, dump the compostable scraps, and go outside for chores. In short, this door gets opened approximately three hundred times each evening.

That's a whole lot of "Feliz Navidad".

 

There's no escaping this evil singing snowman. For the past three years, LittleNortherner has insisted on hanging the snowman in the same location. NorthernDaddy has tried switching the voicebox "Off". LittleNortherner constantly checks the switch and turns it back to "On".  Daddy has taped over the optical sensor that triggers this serenading snow-devil. LittleNortherner is too old and smart for Daddy to get away with that trick.  Removing the batteries, whacking Frosty with a stick, and hiding the snowman have all failed - LittleNortherner is dedicated to reviving his little snowman-shaped Jose Feliciano.

 

If this wasn't a family blog, there would be a post with a short video showing this snowman meeting a loaded shotgun. Barring that, NorthernDaddy must live with the mocking holiday sounds of the World's Most Despicably Evil Snowman.

 

 

Don't fall for the cute look - this snowman must die!

 

 

 

Gobble, Gobble

 NorthernDaddy made these  RiceCrispy Treat Turkeys for a work-related Thanksgiving lunch.

 

 

Yeah, they're too cute!

Trick or Treat?

 

NorthernDaddy neglected to post this one in a timely manner, but he's got a little story from Halloween.

 

The Northerns live on a street that is most definitely not conducive to trick or treating. It's a heavily-travelled road with minimal lighting, and the houses are spaced just a little too far apart. Knowing this, LittleNortherner was informed that the family would be trick-or-treating in some other neighborhood (one of the rich ones with lots of candy).

 

LittleNortherner was concerned about the possibility of some young Halloween reveler stopping by the Northerns' house and not being rewarded with candy. He devised a plan. There would be a bowl of candy left outside on the step. He carefully crafted a sign. It instructed would-be trick-or-treaters to take one piece of candy from the bowl, and asked them to use the honor system so that each visitor might have a piece of candy. He painstakingly placed the bowl and the sign for the optimum presentation to any and all visitors.

 

LittleNortherner led his parents off to complete his rounds of trick-or-treating, secure in the knowledge that any young ghoul or princess that stopped by would be taken care of...

 

...except that NorthernDaddy and Mommy forgot to leave the porch light on. 

 

 

The Northerns returned to a darkened house and a full bowl of candy....

 

 

 

 



Carving It Up

 

It's that time of year again - the time where millions of innocent pumpkins are hacked up and turned into jack-o-lanterns.

 

LittleNortherner is still a little too excitable for NorthernDaddy to hand him the carving knife, so Daddy had to slice up the squash. LittleNortherner made a detailed drawing of how he wanted the finished product to look, and Daddy thinks that he got pretty close to the blueprint.  It was slightly difficult because Little kept making change-orders while Daddy was in the middle of making painstakingly careful slices to produce the scars...

...with all the trouble it was, NorthernDaddy thinks that the time for LittleNortherner to carve his own pumpkins is coming up fast. Skip the sharp knives - see if the little man can cut details while using a plastic knife and a spork!

 

 

 



Are You Kidding Me?

 LittleNortherner is pretty much the definition of a boy: full of energy, always moving, climbs everything, doesn't wash behind his ears, loves swords and guns, likes super heros, doesn't play with dolls.

 

This came in the mail the other day:

That's right, the American Girl doll catalog. The Northerns are not an American Girl type of family. The dolls and their accessories are expensive, the whole approach to marketing the dolls is a little crazy, and - according to LittleNortherner - the only child in the house is a boy, and he does not play with dolls!

 

NorthernDaddy gave the catalog to Little and told him that his Christmas present was being ordered from it.....

 

 

 

 



Hunting Season

 

The Northerns don't have a television hooked up to an antenna or cable. That would be too much of a time waster for them. It could get expensive, too. While they don't have access to live programming, they do still own a TV - it's hidden upstairs and is hooked up to a DVD/VHS machine. (Yes, VHS. Stop laughing.)

 

Sometimes, while NorthernMommy is upstairs folding laundry, LittleNortherner gets to go up and watch a movie. Today was one such day.

 

NorthernDaddy had to fetch LittleNortherner downstairs for some reason or another, and as he climbed the stairs, he heard this movie playing...

LittleNortherner turned his attention away from the screen just long enough to ask,"Do you know why I picked this movie to watch?"  After NorthernDaddy's few failed guesses, LittleNortherner filled him in...

 

"Because Bambi's mom gets shot in this movie, and it's hunting season right now."

 

NorthernDaddy is so glad that his son picked the movie based on storyline, animation, likeable characters, and things such as that......

 

(At least LittleNortherner is a true Vermonter - he knows when Hunting Season is open!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

What's Going On Around Here?

NorthernDaddy might be imagining things,

 

but it seems that...

 

 ...every couple of days...

 

 

 ...the calendar is a little bit lower....

 

 

 

 

All I Want for Christmas...

 

LittleNortherner has had a loose tooth for weeks. He's been wiggling it, worrying it, and generally working non-stop at getting that thing to come out. Today, when NorthernMommy and Daddy picked him up from school, he was proud to announce that the tooth was missing (from his mouth - there's no way he's gonna lose the tooth itself. NorthernMommy killed the "Tooth Fairy" thing for Little a long while ago, but he still gets a shiny new quarter for each tooth that falls out.).

 

After tonight's bath, LittleNortherner was put to bed. Shortly after lights out - which is the time that the adults in the house can slow down half a step and enjoy the relative quiet and get their chores done - LittleNortherner came around the corner into the living room, offering up another tooth. The other front tooth had "fallen out".

 

Dang, dude - this tooth thing is not a money-making venture. NorthernDaddy will give you a dollar to stop pulling teeth out and go to bed!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Play Time

The faithful, long-time companion of the Northerns has completed its service.

 

After fourteen years of highway travel, commuter duty, and NorthernDaddy beating on it like a stolen pony  hauling some unusual items, the trusy Prizm is being put out to pasture.

 

It was comfortable, fuel-efficient, and dependable. It earned more than its keep. It required very little maintenance and went surprisingly well in the snow. It was a Very Useful Car.

 

Unfortunately, it had no soul. No character.

 

NorthernDaddy's "new" ride has tons of character. Hopefully, it will turn out to be as dependable and useful as the Prizm.

 

NorthernDaddy cannot bear the thought of selling the old car. (It probably wouldn't be ethical, what with all of the repairs needed for it to pass inspection.) NorthernMommy had the good idea of donating the car to the local high school's tech program - that's the route that NorthernDaddy is leaning toward. (The tax deduction would be more than an outright sale.)

 

LittleNortherner has a totally different idea as to what to do with the car.

 

 

He wants to make it his own personal jungle gym.

 

 

 

 

 

A Little Learnin'

LittleNortherner is working his way through First Grade and, judging by his school work, he's got this learning thing on lock - his facts are straight (even if his spelling needs a little work)!

 

"A Human is Living"

"A Toilet is Non-Living"

 

NorthernDaddy thinks that the illustrations are what really sell these concepts.

 

(Note to non-parents: Have a child, they'll keep you laughing!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

VROOOOM!

Guess what? It's time for Street Rods again!

 

That's right, LittleNortherner and NorthernDaddy continued their tradition of scoping out the cars and trucks at the Northeast Street Rod Nationals. There were a whole lot of cars to see, and many photographs were taken. NorthernDaddy will spare his readers the monotony of seeing every picture and only post up the really unusual or eye-catching.

 

How are you supposed to make a right turn in this thing? Can't see past the supercharger...

Totally classy.

This little scoot was for sale. For $3000. That's a little steep for a death-trap wagon with more motor than brake...

Awe-inducing motorhome.

Clean VW.

This guy's trailer was a replica of his car.

LittleNortherner's all-show favorite. Modded truck with a military motif. There were mini-gatling guns mounted in the front bumper, 20mm shells as housings for the cab lights, and gauges all over the dash making it look like the cabin of a Blackhawk helicopter. Little Man was all about this ride, and when he found out it was for sale, he begged and pleaded for Daddy to buy it. (Yeah, sure kid - right after Daddy sells a kidney.)




 

Crazy Monkey-Boy

LittleNortherner has to take a bath every night. NorthernDaddy supervises bath time, making sure that the little one scrubs his face and remembers to use soap (dude, the dirt doesn't just fall off when you hop in a tub of water).  When it's time to pull the stopper out of the tub and get out to dry off, that's the end of Daddy's tour of duty. LittleNortherner is left on his own to towel off, get his pajamas on, and brush his teeth.

 

Most of the time, this daily task is simply a boring (but necessary) routine.

 

Other times,....

 

...other times, insane things happen.

 

Apparently, LittleNortherner got bored with his towel hook located on the back of the bathroom door. He decided it was too "ordinary" and didn't require imagination or adventure to use that hook. He decided to use the other hook. The one eight feet off the ground that usually holds a hanging flower basket. Getting all 'CSI' on the crime scene, NorthernMommy and Daddy determined that LittleNortherner had to climb onto the seat of the toilet, then step up onto the toilet tank, and then - because he just couldn't stretch all the way - ease his way up onto the window sill in order to hook his towel up there.

 

Experts say that eighty percent of household accidents occur in the bathroom. (The other twenty percent involve NorthernDaddy, bacon grease, and kitchens, but those incidences are for other blog posts - not this one!) Looking at the crazy monkey-boy's stunts, it's not hard to see why...

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Frog

 

LittleNortherner drew this:

 

 

...and claims it is a frog.

 

 

NorthernDaddy doesn't think it looks like a frog.

 

Whatever it is, NorthernDaddy is being sure to take a flashlight with him during evening chores - just in case one of these things is running around out in the woods....

 

 

 



So Very Vermont

 

This showed up in NorthernDaddy's refrigerator no so long ago...

 

 

Maple-flavored milk. Let it be said again... M A P L E flavored milk. NorthernDaddy had never seen this stuff until he found it parked in his fridge. Seemed kind of weird, but then again, NorthernDaddy should not have been too surprised that in the land of maple syrup, maple candy, maple ice cream, maple granola, maple applesauce, and even maple vodka, that there would be maple-flavored milk.

 

In true Vermont fashion, this milk was organic (from grass-grazed cows) and flavored by organic maple syrup (one might argue that all maple syrup is organic).

 

Gotta love Vermont.

 

Thinking about it, with all of the dairy farms and sugar houses in the state, the only thing that could be more "Vermont-y" than maple milk would be a grizzled old flannel-wearing farmer using his rusty tractor to pull a stuck Subaru out of a rutted dirt road during Mud Season.

 

NorthernDaddy just hopes that the farmer is enjoying a glass of maple-flavored milk while he does it....

 

 

 



Swimming Hole

 

The Northerns have been using this tired old kiddie pool in the duck run for years. It's not suited for the job and is in poor shape. Time for a replacement.

 

One hundred and ten gallon stock tank; four times the capacity of the kiddie pool.

The salesman that helped NorthernDaddy toss it up on the roof didn't even bat an eye - he said it wasn't even close to the weirdest thing he's loaded. (That honor would go to the roto-tiller he strapped to a pallet and forklifted to the roof of a Volkswagen Beetle!)

 Needed some pressure-treated lumber in six and four-foot lengths. Problem - Lowes sells pressure treated in a minimum of twelve feet. Solved - take a tape measure and hand saw and cut to length in the parking lot! Four hundred and fifty pounds of gravel just fits into the trunk (and jams the struts to the bump stops).

 

NorthernDaddy is getting better at digging. He used to hate digging; now he only severely dislikes it.

 

 The design concept was to position the pool, surround it with stone (to hopefully cut down on mud in the pool), and build a ramp for the ducks to enter the pool. The ramp is covered with hardware cloth - the theory being that the grass will grow up through the holes, allowing the ducks to eat the top of the grass without digging up the roots or turning the area into a mud pit.

 So there you have it - NorthernDaddy's newest duck house improvement.

 

So far, the ducks (who have a deep distrust of anything new) have refused to use the ramp or the pool...

Bottled Up

 

After all of the posts on ridding the yard of varmints and vermin, our readers might think that all the Northerns do is kill furry animals. NorthernDaddy would like to assure you that is not the case (but, did he mention that NorthernDaddy and LittleNortherner have also gotten rid of more than fifteen chipmunks in the last few weeks?).

 

When not whacking small creatures, the Northerns like to try new ventures. NorthernMommy has been crafting a dandelion wine. Today it was bottled!

 

 

Let it age in the bottle for a few months, then bottoms up!

 

 



Sucker for a Marshmallow...

 

Bandit goes down....

 

Rats!

 

Judging from the title, what did you expect?!

 

 

Just another unwanted visitor in the chicken coop.

 

 

He's no longer with us....

 

 

 



Bandit Update

 

 A quick glance at the trap this morning was enough to let NorthernDaddy know that he had not caught any thieving furballs. The marshmallow bait was missing, but the trap was still set.

 

Pulling the photos from the trail camera brought up these beauties:

Mr. Bandit strolls through in the middle of the night, followed about forty minutes later by Stinky.

 

Neither of them wanted to get locked up in the trap - but someone took the bait...

 

Tonight's trap set is baited with marshmallows again, but this time, they're hanging from a wire just past the trigger plate.

 

Will it catch Bandit?

 

(NorthernDaddy just looked over this post again, and noticed something about the trap up in the first photo....it might be too small. That is one big raccoon - he might have to duck his head and scootch down just to get in the opening. Might have to get the bigger trap....)

 

 

 

 



Modeling Clay

NorthernMommy got a whole bunch of Play-Doh® (that is the only time you'll see it referred to as that trade name - NorthernDaddy has too hard a time trying to remember how to get that circled-R trademark symbol to show up) the other day, and - of course - it had to be played with.

 

LittleNortherner wanted to sculpt a car, and insisted that Daddy do so, too.

Little's car is a bit smooshed and, um, unique. Daddy's car is a flashy pink, and sporty!

 

 

Next, it was on to creating animals...

 

NorthernDaddy made this nifty pink rattlesnake with orange fangs.

 

LittleNortherner crafted a .......whale. (Kid you not - that is what he's calling it.) (Rodin, he is not.)

Chicken Thief

 

Looking back at the previous posts, it appears that NorthernDaddy neglected to write about the raccoon that decimated the Northerns' chicken flock.

 

This Spring, NorthernMommy and Daddy decided to butcher the chicken flock. The birds were getting older, laying less eggs, and one or more of the hens was eating what few eggs were being laid. Time to fill the freezer and start over with a new run of chicks.

 

The new chicks were brought home, and housed in the brooder (back of the pick-up truck, again) until they (quickly) outgrew their living space. Then it was time for them to move out to the big house and learn how to live in a real chicken's home. They did quite well for a few weeks, until they had a visitor. Their visitor came for dinner, and invited seven of the chicks to the party.

 

Based on the crime scene, it appeared that the raider that killed the chicks was either a skunk or a raccoon. (As a side note, if you can read the predator signatures at a kill, you might have been keeping chickens for too long...)

 

One lonely chick remained in the coop. NorthernMommy wanted to move the poor little girl over to live with the ducks in their house, but NorthernDaddy is against mixing bird types (possible spread of disease), and he didn't want the poor chick to get its feathered butt beat down by the mean ol' ducks. He did, however, want to find out for sure what animal was responsible for the slaughter, so he set up the trail camera inside the coop.

 

This is what the camera revealed:

That's a photo of a raccoon inside the coop, reaching up to snatch the last of the chicks. Seven killed in one night, one removed the next night. Darn bandit.

 

NorthernDaddy has a new hobby: trapping varmints. He set a trap inside the coop and baited it with cat food. No activity recorded on the camera for more than a week.

 

Moved the camera outside the coop to get an idea of what was prowling the yard.

 

Sunday morning:

Moved the camera again to see if Bandit was visiting the coop. Monday morning:

New tactic: moved the trap outside the coop and baited it with marshmallows. The theory is that the trap being closed inside the coop was spooking the coon, who didn't want to get caught in a confined space. The marshmallows will hopefully attract the raccoon without drawing in any neighborhood cats or skunks (although catching a skunk is also high on the list).

 

Stay tuned for varmint updates....

 

 



Last Day of School!

Today was the last day of the school year, and NorthernDaddy is excited. He feels like an enormous weight has been lifted from his shoulders; like the world is a happy place again.

 

Why?

 

NorthernDaddy doesn't have to make another school lunch for at least two months!

 

Creating school lunches is a complicated task - one that has to be performed every evening of the week. LittleNortherner's school lunches are a delicate balancing act between finding foods that LittleNortherner will eat, don't have to be heated, are "cool" enough for him to eat with his friends at the lunch table, and don't violate any of the school's rules about food allergies. If that isn't enough to deal with, there's also the pressure to make his lunches nutritionally balanced - just so the teachers and staff at the school don't think NorthernMommy and Daddy are the kind of parents that feed their child junk food. It's tough, and NorthernDaddy is glad for the break!

 

Maybe next year, the Spiderman lunch box can be retired!

 

 



Smart Kid

Every once in a while, LittleNortherner gets to use the "big computer" to play games. It's a total cop-out on the part of his parents, but when it comes time to cook dinner or complete an intricate task without being interrupted with a million questions, it's super-easy to switch on the PC, bring up pbskids.org, and get the job done.

 

Little Northerner loves to watch the shows on pbskids, and the games are a special treat to him. He found one the other day that had to do with building circuits to complete machines and then creating the right gizmos in the correct order. There's a screen-shot below, but some of the tasks that LittleNortherner had to do were:

 

-choose the correct machine to build the gizmos that he anticipated his customer would ask for,

 

-draw the lines to connect the entire circuit, from power source to switch to power meter to machine...observing correct polarity, no less!

 

-while operating the machine, he had to correctly choose the product to create in response to his customer's order, keep an eye on the power meter, and swap batteries (by picking the right time between product outputs and then de-energizing the circuit to swap batteries)

 

This looked like an interesting and complicated enough game that NorthernDaddy wanted to try a round, but he was too late. LittleNortherner had set up his game and was ready to go - the only thing he called Daddy out of the kitchen for was to ask what a 'cricket intruptor' was. After NorthernDaddy explained that a "circuit interruptor" was a fancy name for a switch, LittleNortherner was off and running.

 

He's good at this game...

 

NorthernDaddy came out of the kitchen to watch him play for a few minutes, and he was amazed. NorthernDaddy sometimes forgets that Little is six now....he remembers the time that Little was so small and helpless and had a hard time figuring out whether his toes were something to eat or not. Back when Little could be fooled by an adult "hiding" behind their own two hands. Okay, maybe Daddy realizes that LittleNortherner is growing older and getting smarter - the little guy is reading and helping with work around the house, but Daddy is still stopped-in-his-tracks-amazed when he sees Little doing so well at detailed games like this......

 

....Guess that's part of the whole "Grow up fast and move out of my house soon/don't ever get older and independent" conundrum that vexes all parents....



 

Father's Day

LittleNortherner presented NorthernDaddy with a gift for Father's Day. A large poster-sized tribute to his Dad. Crafted with love as a school project (the teacher even laminated it). 

 

NorthernDaddy isn't much for the sappy emotional stuff, and he was side tracked by the horrible spelling that his son possesses, but it was a sweet gesture.

 

After looking at the drawing for a few seconds, and fighting back some tears (sniff, sniff, I'm so touched), NorthernDaddy noticed something............"Hey dude, is that a picture of me? What's with the hair? I don't have that much hair..."

 

His response? "I tried to draw the hair shorter!"

 

 

Love that kid.....

 

 

 

 



Daddy's Office

Above his garage, NorthernDaddy has an office. Certain un-enlightened members of the family call it "The Man Room". NorthernDaddy does not like this designation, there are too many negative connotations that go with it. For instance, there isn't a big-screen TV up there, there's no beer, no billiards table, and no posters of pin up girls. (Those things are what the garage is for...) Nope, that room is 315 square feet of Daddy space - nobody goes there without approval. It's his office, reading space, and retreat from LittleNortherner. It's also half-gym, and since NorthernDaddy has been tracking dirt and leaves in all winter, the place needed a cleaning. NorthernDaddy decided to sweep up all the dirt and dust and dead bugs - but he was in charge of watching LittleNortherner, so the mooch came along.

 

Letting a six-year-old roam freely around a space filled with collectables and keepsakes is a sure recipe for non-stop questions. (It's a pretty good shot at having things broken, too, but LittleNortherner had been sternly ordered not to touch without asking.)

 

LittleNortherner spent a good hour wandering around and asking about things. He thought that the Jeep that Uncle Jeremy made from a Coke can was pretty cool.

Crafted by Uncle Jeremy in 2002 (He was nice enough to sign and date it!)

 

Apparently, NorthernDaddy has been holding out on LittleNortherner: this Lego Jeep was instantly deemed "cool" and LittleNortherner spent a long time playing with it (while chewing Daddy out for not sharing earlier!)



Not really LEGO - more of a knock-off brand.


 

NorthernDaddy didn't let Little see all of the cool stuff - he's not old enough to be pawing through the knife collection - but the little guy was in total awe as he examined the rock collection and played some notes on "a real guitar"(electric bass) and looked through all of the little things decorating the room. He didn't want to leave! NorthernDaddy kept all the toys that LittleNortherner wanted to take down into the house - and he's thinking about adding another lock to the door to keep LittleNortherner out!

 

 

 



Footprints....

NorthernDaddy doesn't really pay too much attention to the cleanliness of the window and door glass at the Northerns' house - there's just so much more to occupy his mind. As long as a person can at least see daylight and fuzzy shapes, who cares if the windows are clean?

 

Despite this attitude about glass, NorthernDaddy couldn't help but stop on the way into the house after evening chores. The sun was streaming in just right to highlight this....

 

 

....a footprint. Closer inspection found it to be a small footprint, on the outside of the door, approximately three feet off the ground. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out just who left that print there, but NorthernDaddy wanted to know why. He couldn't ask the (alleged) perpetrator - that monkey was already in bed...

 

NorthernDaddy had to go in and out of that door several more times that evening, and every time that he saw that footprint, he had to wonder why it was there....

 

NorthernDaddy still hasn't gotten his answer as to why the footprint was there, but he does know this: if a tiny footprint ever shows up in some other unexpected place (like inside the refrigerator, or on a lampshade, or on a ceiling fan blade), he probably won't be all that surprised....it is LittleNortherner, after all.