Illusion

NorthernDaddy would like to let everyone in on a secret: Calm is an illusion in the Northern household. (If you know LittleNortherner, maybe it's not so much of a secret...)

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NorthernMommy got a gift for Christmas that consisted of a candle holder and three scented candles. The scents are: Vanilla, Lavender, and Sandalwood. The idea that Yankee Candle sells is that the three candles are burned at the same time, and the fragrance that fills the air is supposed to create an atmosphere of "calm". Sounds wonderful, right?

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NorthernMommy vacated the premises just before dinner time. Something about having to go help with the youth group at church. (Dang - NorthernDaddy is going to have to volunteer for something soon - just to get away from Little...) So, without NorthernMommy providing backup at dinner, NorthernDaddy decided to create an aura of calm around the dinner table by lighting the candles. (If the scent doesn't calm the child, maybe he'll be mesmerized by the flame.)

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As you can see, the candles are merrily flickering away - and infusing the kitchen with a pleasing mix of vanilla, lavender, and .....um...what does sandalwood smell like? Anyway, the glow of the candles and the aromatherapy they provide is enough to totally relax and calm....

 

 .....EXCEPT...except there is this guy...

 

...who won't stop talking. Good Lord, this child won't shut up. He talks before the food is served. He talks while the food is served. He talks with food in his mouth. Not sure how in the world he breathes - he never stops talking!

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Calm is but an illusion 'round these parts....

 

 



Day Dreaming

Y'all remember back in August - back when it was so hot that whole afternoons had to be spent playing in the water? Yeah....that was nice, wasn't it?

Currently in the North Country, there is ice everywhere. Ice with a few fresh inches of snow on top of it. The temperatures haven't pushed higher than 30 - they've been mostly kicking around in the single digits. NorthernDaddy is running out of tolerance for the cold, and it's only the fifth official day of Winter. Never gonna make it to Spring.....just gonna recline in front of the space heater and dream about hot summer days on the lake....

 

 



Merry Christmas!

Photo from www.lifenotes.lifelettercafe.com

Christmas Eve...

Waiting for that Jolly Fat Elf....



Ice Storm

Normally, the Northerns get snow in winter (as opposed to summer, when the snow has already melted before it falls...). Last night, the snow was replaced by ice. Yuck. Ice is harder to drive in, makes chores more of an adventure, and weighs down tree limbs and power lines (which threatens power outages, which causes a whole lot of extra work). In short, nobody like ice...

 

...but, it is pretty.

Chickens are caged in by ice!

Ducks aren't faring any better...

Winter Wonderland

Skating

 The rink is marked out! Right after the New Year and NorthernDaddy's inventory at work, construction begins. The rink is going bigger (just a few feet bigger than last year) - to 20 x 32. It's farther back in the yard - flatter land. There will be all-new plywood for the sides, and new liner is going in. The local water hauling company will fill it up for $200. (NorthernDaddy is still trying to justify the cost: have it filled up in twenty minutes for a whole lot of money, or save the money and fill it with the hose..for four days?)

Can you see the stakes and line marking off the rink?

 

Won't be long before you see regular posts from NorthernDaddy on the Joys and Importance of Rink Surfacing!

 

 



Run, Santa, Run

NorthernMommy's Mommy (got that?) asked her to participate in a charity Santa Run. NorthernMommy run? Of course she'll run, and if she gets to dress up in a goofy costume in order to do it, she thinks that's even better!

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The only downside was that the run was in a small northern town. The morning temperature in that town was negative 7. By the time the run started, it was a scorching positive 8 degrees. (You go run, Mommy...Daddy and I will be in the car...)

 While NorthernMommy and about seventy other Santas ran and walked all over town, LittleNortherner protested the cold by sitting in a Kwik-Stop, sipping on hot chocolate and tossing back Pringles.

His take? If it's so cold that even the squirrels have on thermal underwear, it's too cold to stand out and cheer -  no matter if it's for Santa (or two...or fifty)

 



Here Comes Santa Claus

 

NorthernDaddy still thinks that it's kinda hillbilly and backwoods-ish that Santa is pulled to the town green behind a tractor. (He also thinks it's totally cool!)

Talking Turkey

Little bit of humor for all of those travelling for Thanksgiving...

 

Winter Arrives

It's that time again: the annual marking of the First Measurable Snow.

 

There have been a few little flurries of snow this year; enough to leave a dusting on the grass and the cars. Last night was the first "official" snow. The Northerns got just over an inch of snow Saturday night. It came in quickly, too. The Northerns got home late Saturday evening and the weather was cold but dry. One hour later, they were surprised by the sound of a town truck rolling by with a plow down. They peeped out the window and saw a lovely winter wonderland  all around. (Just kidding about that lovely bit - NorthernDaddy hasn't adjusted to the cold yet this year, and is quite unhappy with the snow at this time.)

Please note that this photo is a recycled picture from last winter - it's too windy and cold and dark to go out right now and snap y'all a pretty new picture. So, just pretend that you've never seen this photo before....

 

Think Snow!

 



Disliking Doctors

 

NorthernDaddy doesn't remember many calendar dates - it's too much work for his tired brain. A few important dates stand out: June 28, 2003 (the day he married lovable NorthernMommy), March 22, 2008 (LittleNorthern was born), February 5, 2009 (quit smoking), and October 15, 2013 (the day that the mean ol' doctor killed joy in Daddy's life).

 

In October, NorthernDaddy suddenly began to have problems in his digestive system. NorthernDaddy dislikes doctors and hospitals and anything to do with sickness. He dislikes it enough that he hadn't visited a doctor in more than twenty years. However, the problems Daddy was dealing with were severe enough for him to leave work and go straight to the emergency clinic. (Trust Daddy - leaving work is BAD. It's one of the deadly sins to him.)

NorthernDaddy spent more than five hours in the hospital, submitting to tests and X-rays and endless questions from medical staff. He endured the snivelingly sick roommates and the embarassment of a hospital gown. He even managed to remove a large slice of his scalp by knocking his head into an IV stand. The results of all this poking and prodding?

 

-NorthernDaddy has to stop drinking caffeinated coffee, eating chocolate, and drinking alcohol.-

 

Apparently, NorthernDaddy had too much stomach acid eating away at the chamber between his stomach and intestines. Also apparently, this kind of thing is hereditary (um...why didn't anyone think to tell NorthernDaddy about this?).

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So, why might this be a problem? Well, NorthernDaddy was in the habit of drinking coffee all day long. Somewhere around fifteen or twenty cups a day. It was his "go fuel". Daddy also had a habit of eating chocolate candy bars. Four or five or twelve per day. As for alcohol, the Northerns live in the bleak, frozen North, and they have a five-year-old. Wouldn't you drink, too?

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It's been four and a half weeks without chocolate. Four and a half weeks without alcohol. NorthernDaddy was brave enough to try half-caffeinated/half decaf coffee - at this point, he can only handle one cup - once a week. Any more than that, and the pain starts up a little bit again.

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So what to do? NorthernDaddy has become an herbal tea connoisseur, a teetotaler, and has lost eleven pounds in four weeks by swearing off chocolate. Why? Did Daddy really want to become a soft, non-drinking, non-eating girly man? Nope. But every time NorthernDaddy thinks about eating a chocolate or pouring a drink, all he's got to do is remember the pain that made him think he was gonna die - he might be disliking doctors, but he's doing it pain-free.....

 

 

 

Whatever Are You Thinking?!

LittleNortherner has come home with homework a few times in the last week. Homework! He's in Kindergarten! NorthernDaddy doesn't remember Elementary School that well, but he's pretty sure he did not have homework in Kindergarten. Oh well; if Mrs.P thinks that the kids need to complete homework in order to "get" what she's teaching, then the Northerns will play along.

(Image found at:boardingschooladvantage.com)

 

NorthernDaddy had gotten used to seeing LittleNortherner doing his homework, and didn't think much about it again until he saw the weekly newsletter on Friday. Five paragraphs of normal school updates and classroom happenings. Blah, blah, blah. Paragraph six was interesting.....

 

Quoting Paragraph Six: "If at any time your student comes home with a worksheet during the week it is because they have asked to have "homework". It does not have to be completed, but some are so excited that that they can finally do work with their big brothers or sisters!"

 

Good Lord! LittleNortherner is asking for homework?

 

Whatever are you thinking?!

 

 

Ice Cold

Hockey season is upon the Northern Family. First, it was a soft start with kitchen hockey (good season so far: nothing has been broken in the kitchen, and NorthernDaddy still has all of his toes). "Real Hockey" started mid-October, and NorthernMommy and Daddy can tell you one thing: it's cold. Sitting on a cold bench two feet from the ice is not the best way to conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings.

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LittleNortherner was pretty good at skating last year. He started last year in a blue jersey (the lowest of skill levels for the program in which he's participating). This year, he's skipped over the second level (white) and wears a silver jersey(third level). He should be good enough for the highest level (black) next year.

 

(This picture was taken at the start of this season - before the new jerseys were handed out)

LittleNortherner is getting quite fast on his skates, and his turns are awesome! Needs some work on stopping (just about every kid on the rink needs work on stopping - a person watching would think that the proper way to stop on hockey skates is to crash into the boards...).

 

In addition to providing the water bottle at breaks and offering some encouragement as Little zooms by, NorthernDaddy has had the opportunity to watch some of Little's mental progressions. Little is getting pretty good at reading the scene unfolding in front of him on the ice and figuring out where the best place is for him to make the play. That gives Mommy and Daddy just a little bit of pride in their little hockey player.

The other mental/attitude thing that NorthernDaddy got to witness was during Freeze Tag. LittleNortherner hates freeze tag on skates. He despises it. He's figured out a trick, though. NorthernDaddy watched Little stand stock still on his skates as they s-l-o-w-l-y drifted him across the ice - past his 'frozen' teammates. As the coaches zipped around and through the group, they just assumed that Little was 'frozen' like all his buddies standing around with their hands up. But, he wasn't frozen. One of the coaches cut a corner very close to LittleNortherner, and - just like a crocodile snapping its prey - Little reached out and tagged him. Sneak crocodile-style attack: that's the LittleNortherner way!

 

 



Umm...

NorthernMommy and Daddy came home to a message on the answering machine. It was the school counselor. Something about 'just want to run something by you. It's not an emergency or worth interrupting you at work or on your cell'.

Now, who gets a call like that (about their kindergartener) and doesn't get a little bit concerned? Or worried? Or flat-out freaked out and starting to mentally run through the scenarios that might have prompted a call?

When NorthernDaddy picked up LittleNortherner from the after-school program, Little didn't have a clue that the interrogation was about to begin. Slowly, carefully, NorthernDaddy started to probe with questions about the day. Little deflected most of the questions with his usual "if I change the topic and divert the conversation, I'll be fine" approach. Finally, Little mentioned that one of the "bad" things at school today was that he had to talk to Mr.****. (Mr.**** is the school counselor, and probably a perfectly nice gentleman - his name will remain shrouded to prevent him being dragged into the crazy messed-up world that is this blog.)

The short story is that one of Little's classmates was hitting him on the back as they waited in line. Instead of asking the offending boy to stop hitting him, Little started pushing him. (Nice...) The teacher wisely sent the two boys to see the counselor for a stern talking-to.

The counselor's version of what happened will be learned tomorrow when the Northerns return his call (seriously, who calls and leaves a message at home when they know that the parents won't get the message until it's too late to call back that day?!), but NorthernDaddy has a suspicion that this call won't be the last of it's type that Mommy and Daddy receive. (Shoulda had a girl...)

--  --

On another topic, NorthernDaddy recently picked up a game camera. Yup, one of those cameras that have the motion-sensing trigger and catches images of the wildlife that passes near the lens. It's been random hits of weeds blowing in the wind and of NorthernDaddy doing morning chores as the Northerns learn how to properly position and set the device. This morning, as NorthernDaddy stumbled upon the resident skunk (for the umpteenth day in a row)(soon, he's just gonna blast it with the 20 gauge), he was sure that the camera had to have caught a picture of the terrifying beast.

 

Yup - proof that Mr. Stinky has been visiting.

 

 

Ready for War

LittleNortherner has equipped himself for slaying dragons. One sword in his hand, three across the front, and two tucked into the back of his belt (for good measure).

In case you're wondering, NorthernDaddy blames Disney.

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Now, NorthernMommy and Daddy did not have a little girl - otherwise, this blog would be much different - and they can only imagine the response that a sweet little girl would have to watching the movie Sleeping Beauty. Maybe a little bit of daydreaming about being saved by the charming prince, or dressing up and pretending to be a fairy godmother?

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LittleNortherner's reaction to Sleeping Beauty was to outfit himself with every blade in his armory so that he could slay the evil dragon. And, since NorthernMommy is the beautiful princess in need of rescue, who do y'all think gets the role of the big, ugly dragon that gets his scaly butt chopped up? That's right: NorthernDaddy.

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Thank you, Disney...

 

 



Duck Decor

NorthernDaddy had some parts at work arrive from the vendor packaged in this:

Naturally, it had to be added to the duck house decor - just to broaden their cultural experience.

 



Northern Apples

The Northerns have an apple tree in their front yard. It's pretty old, and the apples look pretty gnarly. Because the apples look so bad - and because NorthernDaddy sampled some years ago and found that they weren't real tasty - the apples are allowed to fall the ground and feed the local wildlife.

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That's all changed now. An acquaintance from church passes by the Northerns' house all of the time. She'd been keeping tabs on the apples for a few years, and had been hinting to NorthernMommy that the apples were just being wasted by letting them fall. She convinced NorthernMommy to pick those apples and at least use them for cider.

 

It's not slave labor if they're family!

 

See? The apples are not quite ready for their close-up.... These things are gnarly: spots, mold, and insect holes. NorthernDaddy decided to hold out a few to make some apple bread while NorthernMommy and LittleNortherner went off to work the cider press.

As he was peeling the apples to make the bread, NorthernDaddy decided that he had to taste a slice to make sure that the apples weren't so bad that they would mess up his bread. Surprisingly, the apples were sweet and super-delicious.

The cider turned out to be excellent, the bread smells great (waiting for it to cool now), and the apples from the Northerns' tree will be wasted no more! Next year should see a new cider press in the back yard and a small batch of hard cider fermenting - along with regular cider, apple butter, etc.

 

 

 

Hack Job

Designed by LittleNortherner, carved by NorthernDaddy.

 

 

 

Non-Stop

As soon as NorthernDaddy and Little arrived home this afternoon - while Daddy was trying to do chores and cook dinner - Little started right in:

 

"You wanna play man-guy fight? It's with LEGOs. I'm a ninja, and I've got a sword and karate chops and the throwy things. And I've got scorpions on my team. And Indians. I've got Indians on my team. You're never going to win. Oh - and I've got a guy on my team, he's....uhh...he's got black pants and a brown shirt and he's on my team, Daddy. You know what you are? You're a knight. Daddy, you're a knight."

 

Daddy: "Okay..."

 

"You're so going to lose, Daddy. You know why? I've got all these guys and you know what? I've got fish on my team. Fish that shoot fire."

 

Daddy: "Fire??"

 

"Yeah, they shoot fire out of their mouths."

 

 

Last week, the doctor at the ER told NorthernDaddy that he needed to make some dietary changes and learn to reduce some of the stress in his life. NorthernDaddy has news for Mr. Doctor - no worries, mate. It's all chill at the Northern household. There's so many verbal hallucinogens that pop out of LittleNortherner that nobody's stressed - - just tripping right along with the imagination of a five-year-old!

 

 



Climbing

Street Rods

A few weeks ago, NorthernDaddy and LittleNortherner enjoyed their annual pilgrimage to the Northeast Street Rod Nationals. They saw all the fancy cars, bickered over which paint job was the best, and ate the traditional meal of....French Fries.

 

That's a classy bar stool.

 

 

Someone was quite unhappy about leaving the show grounds...

Magic School Bus? - Take Two

Look at the license plate...Special Ed, indeed....

R U Stressed?

Pick up at the after-school program on Friday found a table full of young children eagerly stuffing cornstarch through a funnel into balloons. What were they making?

 

Stress Balls.

 

Um....just how much pressure are kids under these days? Is society so crazy and life so busy that a bunch of Kindergarten and Elementary students need a stress ball to relieve their worries?

(and think about the stress that these things cause: parents worrying about a rubber bag of white powder exploding in the house....)

 

 

 



School Picture Day

 

How LittleNortherner looked at six in the morning just after he dressed himself for School Picture Day. Unpolished and unrepentantly not a morning person...

 After school - no more tie! (and getting ready for the official start of Kitchen Hockey Season - opening date of Oct.1)

 

 

 

Paint Job

 

This weekend, NorthernMommy had a race in Massachusetts, and NorthernDaddy decided to surprise her by re-doing the stairwell to the basement laundry while she was gone.

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Before: standard builder's-grade white paint job, some coats hanging in the way, and some archery equipment cluttering up the wall (and some stained cement block at the base of the stairs)

 

Shortly after NorthernMommy pulled out of the drive and headed south, the crew (NorthernDaddy and LittleNorthernConstructionDude) had removed the coat hooks and gotten rid of all the clutter. A quick trip to Lowes sourced all the supplies, and the work continued.

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The idea was to put up a base coat of blue and then try that fancy sponge painting technique with a lighter color wash. That didn't work out as planned. Really, it didn't work out at all - the paint/glaze mix that Daddy measured out wasn't light enough, and the sponge technique is all but invisible.

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What did work? LittleNortherner with a paint roller. He was quite excited to try his hand at painting a wall. He did an excellent job - for the areas he could reach. (NorthernDaddy was not ready to let Little up on the ladder that was leaning across the stairwell to the high side of the walls!)

The coat of bright white paint on the cement block turned out nicely, too.

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LittleNortherner is available to be hired out for interior painting.....

 

 

Magic School Bus?

 

NorthernDaddy brought home plans for building a most excellent LEGO tour bus. It was fairly easy to build, and it turned out quite interesting with all the random colors that Little used. For a bus built out of scrounged parts from the block bucket, the bus was cool...

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...Until LittleNortherner added wings and a giant front pusher bumper. Wings! And then he started calling it the "Magic School Bus".

Below: the absolute best idea that NorthernDaddy has ever had about LEGOs. A scoop dedicated solely to the task of removing LEGO minefields from the living room floor. Thirty seconds of work with a $1.35 dustpan clears all of the shrapnel and punji sticks from the floor - wicked awesome!

 

 

 

Paper Trail

Kindergarten is a great thing. It is teaching LittleNortherner about different subjects (math, writing, science, etc.) and helping him to refine his social skills (he's no longer one of the "big kids" at school - he's in the youngest grade). It's introducing him to more of the kids in his immediate neighborhood/town, and the new skills he is learning help to build his self-confidence (although, do you really need to do that in a five-year-old that already thinks he is a teenager?!).

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The thing that concerns NorthernDaddy is that school is starting to teach LittleNortherner about paperwork. Through his experience in the world of employment, NorthernDaddy is intimately familiar with the corporate practice of creating and keeping a paper trail for every single action that is completed, attempted, or even thought about. Some companies complete every daily transaction in the electronic realm, and still require a paper hard copy to be created (go ahead, ask NorthernDaddy if he knows any companies like that...). It's crazy, the amount of paper that is moved around this world.

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LittleNortherner is learning this: every day there is a veritable mountain of paper that rides home in his backpack. There are forms to fill out, notices to read, daily activity logs to peruse. There are drawings - Good Lord, are there drawings - that spill out of his pack and cover the floor of the car.

 

Today, the papers were super-giant-humongous-sized. There's an easel pad sized drawing of a spider web. There's a notebook sized drawing of.....something. The piece de resistance has to be the 48" x 36" page torn from the daily schedule board. It lets you know that Little is the line leader, some other young person is the "caboose", and a bit of other important news. Apparently, the line leader for the day gets to take home the schedule page.

 

Think about that....it's the most glorious day of school for a kid (who doesn't love to be line leader?), and his or her reward - their reminder of such a momentous occasion - is more paper.

 

(Remember kids, there has to be a paper trail for everything!)

 

 

That, or the teacher has learned a simple new way to clean her classroom...

 

 

 



Hack and Chop

During a conversation with family earlier this week, NorthernMommy alleged that NorthernDaddy had chopped, hacked, and mutilated her rose bush.

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NorthernDaddy would like to set the record straight.... While there is photographic proof that he did once obliterate a rose bush (it was way too big and dead-centered on the usable part of the yard), the rose bush currently in question is still alive and well.

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In Daddy's defense, "Rose", as she will be named, was becoming quite the belligerent plant. She was constantly reaching out beyond her boundaries and trying to take what wasn't hers. She had started to obscure the propane tank, was attempting to sit in the Adirondack chairs, and -more than once- tried to beat up NorthernDaddy and steal his lunch money.

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NorthernMommy left the house one morning for a few hours, and LittleNortherner wouldn't come outside (gotta play Legos), so that left no one to protect Rose. A few minutes with the loppers and pruners, and the plant had been tamed....

 

...not hacked and chopped.

 

(Posing like he did any work....)

 

(In the interest of full disclosure, NorthernDaddy will admit that he has a long-standing hatred of rose bushes. He does not know the root of these feelings, but is quite sure that - if he ever needs professional psychiatric counseling - they will be the reason he ends up in therapy...)