Splat Goes the Salamander

LittleNortherner and NorthernMommy attended "Newt Night" tonight at the local independent bookstore. NorthernDaddy, while he supports local businesses, is glad that he was not required to accompany the rest of the family. He's guessing that it was a fun and informative event, but LittleNortherner came back babbling about scooping salamanders off the road while wearing a construction worker's coat. Huh?

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After LittleNortherner went to bed, NorthernMommy helped to fill Daddy in on the specifics of what the boy was yammering about. She showed Daddy some papers that were handed out so that people could keep track of exactly how many amphibians they scrape off the road. You think that NorthernDaddy is kidding? Look at the sheet below and note the column that is marked 'DEAD'.



Best that NorthernDaddy can tell, the aspiring Amphibian Road Crossing Assistant is supposed to wear rain gear and reflective clothing ('cause you go out on rainy nights) and spend time helping poor, defenseless amphibians cross the road. 'Cause they're too stupid to do it on their own.

 

The tip sheet that NorthernMommy handed me is full of helpful information...if you're going out to help the froggies and salamanders. For NorthernDaddy, it's mainly a source of humor:

 

* Drive slowly; about 15 mph, and keep your eye fixed on the road - scanning for frogs and salamanders*  (NorthernDaddy wants to know if the creatures can move out of the way of a vehicle going 15 mph. Or 10. Or even 2.5 mph.....)

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*Keep your windows open at all times as you drive. The "quack" of wood frogs might be the first indicator you have that you're near a breeding pool.*  (Or, the "splat" of squishy frogs under your tires might be your first indicator...)

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*Once you locate a good crossing spot, pull onto the side of the road. Always stop where your car is easily visible to other traffic. It's also good not to stop directly in front of a house - you'll worry the homeowners if you do.* (Yup, those homeowners will be quite worried to see a full-grown man wearing flashy reflective clothing and a shiny headlamp running all over the road with a spatula. A spatula?, you ask. Yes, a spatula. Did NorthernDaddy forget to mention that?We'll get there in a minute.)

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*Move live animals in the direction they were headed* (nah, mess with them a little and spin 'em around before letting them go) * Be sure to count every individual of every species that you see* (oh shit, we're supposed to be counting? It's dark and raining, and we've been too busy with the spatula to count!) 

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*Using a spatula, move the dead amphibians off the road, so as to avoid them being counted twice. Be sure to record these in the separate "dead" column.* (Sorry, y'all - NorthernDaddy can't type because he's laughing to the point of crying....where do we start? Picture our hero scooping and flipping all those dead amphibians off the road at the same time he's scooting the live ones safely to the side. And be sure not to count them dead ones twice...how hard is that? They're DEAD - not moving all around and making you think, "Did I count that one yet?")

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And, the best for last (and it's in bold type- the only thing on the page that's been bolded - it's that important): *Be sure to check under your car for amphibians before you leave.* (NorthernDaddy would just love to see our wonderful Amphibian Helper spend two hours saving the frogs and newts in the dark and rain, then get into his car and unwittingly flatten two dozen of his friends as he pulls away.....)