Leading Him Wrong...

NorthernDaddy likes to read through The Family Handyman, it has news about the latest tools, interesting home-improvement ideas, and the articles are quick to read (important when there is a six-year-old always demanding attention).

 

This is the issue that NorthernDaddy has most recently picked up:

 

Imagine NorthernDaddy's delight at finding a home-improvement magazine that directly addresses his most pressing need. See that blue banner across the top? The one that promises to "Get Rid of Irritating Home Noises"? Awesome! NorthernDaddy has been looking for relief from the irritating noises in his house. Alas, NorthernDaddy found that the editors of this magazine are leading him in the wrong direction...

 

For all of the insightful advice on how to quiet squeaky door hinges, stop water pipe thumping, and make toilets silent, there is a remarkable dearth of information on how to stop the most irritating noises in the Northerns' house.

 

For instance, there's nothing about:

 

- how to stop the sharp "CRACK" of the toilet seat hitting the tank as LittleNortherner flips it up out of his way. (A sound that is especially irritating when it happens at three in the morning...)

 

-how to silence the muted "THUD" of a forty-five pound child repeatedly hitting the floor of his room as he continues his quest to "stick the landing" of his "wicked awesome" leaps from his bed. (This sound causes intense irritation - because the child has already been instructed NOT to be jumping off his furniture at least a dozen times...in the last hour alone!)

 

- how to prevent the screeching sound made when a too-lazy-to-lift-it-up-and-carry-it child drags his step stool across the tile of the kitchen floor. (Seriously, it's like fingernails on a blackboard...)

-how to quiet the guitar playing and singing (it sounds like Elvis meets Nirvana meets Katy Perry - but without the benefit of music lessons or talent).

-how to alleviate the constant asking for attention (Mom...Mom...Mommy..Mom.......hey, Daddy....Daddy...Dad....Daaaaaad.....) (worse than a dripping faucet).

Yup, NorthernDaddy read all of the way through that article on how to stop irritating home noises, and he didn't find a single tip on how to stop those most irritating noises.......