Chicken Processing

As NorthernMommy puts it, NorthernDaddy "processed" the chickens the other day.

 

As NorthernDaddy puts it, he set up a station for bleeding the birds, a station for scalding the birds, a station for plucking the birds, and a station for gutting the birds.  Then he went through all of those stations with six individual birds, with breaks for packaging them up for the freezer. Then, there was clean up - washing everything down with bleach and putting it away.

 

"Processing" sounds way easier than all of that.....

 

 

A few notes for next time (mainly as a reminder for NorthernDaddy):

 

-Get a turkey fryer. A Coleman camp stove does not bring a huge pot of water up to 150 degrees in any kind of rapid manner. It's slow, and uses a ton of fuel.

 

- That rinky-dink white plastic table is an easy surface to clean, but it's about a foot too short to use for butchering. Those "ugh" and "oof" sounds that NorthernDaddy was making are not because of the icky chicken guts, they were because his back was cramping up. Get a taller table next time.

 

- The nitrile gloves? Nice thought, but they only lasted through the second bird. Just do the job bare-handed and bleach your fingers later.

 

- Wet feathers smell horrible, like wet dog. Do yourself a favor and put a breath mint inside your nostrils - treat it like a delivery to that house on Buck Lane (how do ya like that reference, J ?).

 

-The bird that dies the worst (twitching, jerking, and spouting blood everywhere) will do so when visitors stop by. Take action accordingly, and set up a Sea-World-style splash zone.

 

- Of all the items that are pulled from the cavity of a dead hen, the freakiest are the partially-formed eggs. Don't know why they are, but they are just totally freaky.

 

 

 

 

Leading Him Wrong...

NorthernDaddy likes to read through The Family Handyman, it has news about the latest tools, interesting home-improvement ideas, and the articles are quick to read (important when there is a six-year-old always demanding attention).

 

This is the issue that NorthernDaddy has most recently picked up:

 

Imagine NorthernDaddy's delight at finding a home-improvement magazine that directly addresses his most pressing need. See that blue banner across the top? The one that promises to "Get Rid of Irritating Home Noises"? Awesome! NorthernDaddy has been looking for relief from the irritating noises in his house. Alas, NorthernDaddy found that the editors of this magazine are leading him in the wrong direction...

 

For all of the insightful advice on how to quiet squeaky door hinges, stop water pipe thumping, and make toilets silent, there is a remarkable dearth of information on how to stop the most irritating noises in the Northerns' house.

 

For instance, there's nothing about:

 

- how to stop the sharp "CRACK" of the toilet seat hitting the tank as LittleNortherner flips it up out of his way. (A sound that is especially irritating when it happens at three in the morning...)

 

-how to silence the muted "THUD" of a forty-five pound child repeatedly hitting the floor of his room as he continues his quest to "stick the landing" of his "wicked awesome" leaps from his bed. (This sound causes intense irritation - because the child has already been instructed NOT to be jumping off his furniture at least a dozen times...in the last hour alone!)

 

- how to prevent the screeching sound made when a too-lazy-to-lift-it-up-and-carry-it child drags his step stool across the tile of the kitchen floor. (Seriously, it's like fingernails on a blackboard...)

-how to quiet the guitar playing and singing (it sounds like Elvis meets Nirvana meets Katy Perry - but without the benefit of music lessons or talent).

-how to alleviate the constant asking for attention (Mom...Mom...Mommy..Mom.......hey, Daddy....Daddy...Dad....Daaaaaad.....) (worse than a dripping faucet).

Yup, NorthernDaddy read all of the way through that article on how to stop irritating home noises, and he didn't find a single tip on how to stop those most irritating noises.......



 

 

 

 



Tulips in Ottawa

 

The Northern Clan headed even farther north to Ottawa so that they could take in the grand spectacle that is the Canadian Tulip Festival. NorthernMommy has had this event on her "must-do" list for several years, and NorthernDaddy couldn't put it off any longer. (NorthernDaddy has a love hate-hate relationship with the Canadian city closest to home - Montreal. The root of the problem is that the primary language in Montreal is French. The residents there love to be snotty about that fact when their visitors do not speak French. NorthernDaddy doesn't speak French. That makes navigating the streets, making purchases, and interacting with anyone very difficult. In addition, NorthernDaddy doesn't particularly like the layout of the city, either. The only saving grace for Montreal is Restaurant Ruby Rouge - a dim sum joint that is worth repeat visits - even though English is third down the list of languages used there.) So, when NorthernMommy brought up the suggestion to travel to another Canadian city, NorthernDaddy managed to delay the trip...for a year or two. After NorthernMommy pointed out that most of the rest of Canada speaks English, and that NorthernDaddy was a chicken-livered xenophobe, it was time to travel to Ottawa....

 

The Northerns arrived in Ottawa, eager to see some tulips in bloom. Things didn't start out looking promising. Four hours passed and the Northerns hadn't seen one tulip in bloom.

 

Parliament Hill

Also Parliament Hill

Same building as above, just closer detail.

Rideau Canal

Camera-hogging Glamour Shot

No tulips out there....

Blooms? Dunno....

 

 

 

 

 

Buy the boy a lollipop to stop the whining. Six-year-old boys do not like walking around to look at flowers.

Behind the scenes - everybody has a camera and is looking for the perfect shot.

NorthernDaddy was disappointed. This variety of tulip was not as advertised...

 

 

Despite the initial dearth of tulip sightings, the trip turned out quite well. Ottawa is a beautiful city, with a downtown that is easily walkable, wonderful buildings, and fun places to explore. (And they even speak English.....)

 

 

 



Let It Go

LittleNortherner has seen the movie "Frozen" three times. Only three times.

(Image from Disney website)

 There is a song in the movie called "Let It Go". It's the soundtrack to a pivotal scene. The song is beautiful, the animation is amazing, and the music brings everything together into a powerful movie moment. The chorus (shown below) is repeated several times in the song, and is fairly simple to learn (even NorthernDaddy was humming along to it as he left the theater). Not so easy to catch are the lyrics in the verses. As the song plays on the local radio station, a person finds themselves letting the verses be sung by the recording artist, and then joining in and belting out the chorus. (Don't try to claim that you never do that...)

(Image found on Pinterest; no trackback)

 

Anyhow, the reason that NorthernDaddy brings this up is that he changed the radio in the kitchen from the normal country music to an adult contemporary station. He wasn't really paying attention to the songs playing - it was just background noise as he loaded the dishwasher. A small voice started singing along with the song. It got louder as LittleNortherner rounded the corner into the kitchen. Awww, isn't that cute? The sweet sounds of a child singing....except....he's singing along with the verses. He knows every word to each verse. How does he know the lyrics? Remember - he's only seen the movie three times, yet he's singing along with Idina Menzel like he's right in the recording booth with her....

 

Totally unfathomable.

 

Of course, once the song stops playing on the radio, LittleNortherner doesn't stop singing. He keeps going at the top of his lungs. He even adds in some type of interpretive dance to go along with his singing. It's enough to drive a man crazy...

 

Dude...really...just Let It Go....

 

 

 



"Boom" Go the Brownies

Occasionally, NorthernMommy makes treats for her students' birthdays. Cookies, cakes, and brownies. Most of the time, these goodies turn out perfectly fine (except that LittleNortherner and NorthernDaddy do not get to sample them. Darn school kids....)

 

One student is sensitive to gluten, so NorthernMommy picked up a gluten-free brownie mix. Things seemed to be going well, until the buzzer rang and NorthernDaddy popped open the oven door to check if the brownies were done.

 

The brownies were not done. In fact, it appeared that the brownie army had just been mobilized and were starting their land assault on the Northerns' kitchen. Don't know what special ingredient was in that box of gluten-free brownie mix, but it failed spectacularly.

 

As for the student with the birthday? Poor kid gets a veggie tray....

 

 

 



Eat Your Greens

LittleNortherner will eat just about anything.

 

Except lettuce.

 

LittleNortherner does not like hates lettuce.

 

At dinner, NorthernMommy and Daddy instructed LittleNortherner to eat his lettuce. He did not.

 

NorthernMommy insisted that he eat his lettuce. He did not.

 

NorthernDaddy commanded LittleNortherner to eat his lettuce...or else. He did not.

 

What's NorthernDaddy going to do?

 

He's going to bag the leftovers up and send them in  LittleNorthern's lunchbox as his school snack!

 

 

 

 



Dancing Chicken

By the title of this post, you might think that NorthernDaddy has finally managed to teach one of the chickens how to dance. Alas, that is not so.

 

On Easter Sunday, one of the family members presented the Northerns with an almost-life-sized chicken. This chicken clucks and dances and flaps its wings when the button is pressed. (The family member shall not be named...yet. This particular family member has a habit of giving noise-making stuffed animals to the Northerns. It started with small animals: a tiny turkey that "gobbled" when squeezed, a little duckling that "quacked" when you pushed its belly. This time, it was a much larger, more...animated animal. NorthernDaddy is starting to fear a time when a life-sized animal shows up. Maybe a full-size cow that moos and delivers chocolate milk when the udders are pulled? That's when the family member will be named - and committed to the looney bin!)

 

Back to the Robo-Chicken...naturally, NorthernDaddy wanted to see how the real chickens would interact with the new addition to the flock. There was some apprehension from the hens when Robo-Cluck did her song and dance, but then they just ignored the strange new girl....

 

Of course, every chicken needs a tour around the local towns and roads.