Tactical Marshmallows

So, somebody mentioned to NorthernDaddy that "it sure has been a long time since the blog was updated".... (That somebody might just have been NorthernMommy, but nobody's pointing fingers.) Well, it's been a long, cold Winter, and nothing exciting seems to have been happening. When it's freezing cold and dark all of the time, NorthernDaddy just wants to focus on staying warm. That means fighting over the space heater with the two other Northerns in the house.

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One exciting thing to happen recently is that LittleNortherner survived to see his sixth birthday. Maybe that's not so exciting as it is surprising. With the constant demands for attention, the endless questions, the cocky attitude, and the occasional call from the guidance counselor at school {just a quick side note from NorthernDaddy: if you, the reader, have children of a younger age than LittleNortherner - just you wait, your turn is coming! If you are an older, experienced parent, maybe even someone as specific as NorthernDaddy's mom and dad - congratulations on making it through, so sorry for the aggravation, and yes, payback is a bitch!}

 it's amazing that LittleNortherner actually survived to the age of six!

 

At Little's birthday party, two of his friends gave him a marshmallow gun. Because these two girls are such sweet, angelic young ladies, there is some suspicion that the purchase of this evil device was directed by the young ladies' parents. (Cort and Christine: NorthernDaddy knows where your new house is, and is not above launching a few flaming marshmallows in your direction....)

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Despite the malicious intent behind the gift, the marshmallow gun is quite a fun weapon. Weapon, you say? Surely it can't be a weapon - it shoots confections. This thing is indeed a weapon! For starters, it doesn't shoot those cutesy little mini-marshmallows. This thing fires off full-size marshmallows. It is a veritable 30mm candy cannon! It says 'Marshmallow Shooter' on the label, but it could just as soon be called the T-MAC (Tactical Marshmallow Air Cannon).

 In addition to the large, fluffy, and tasty ammo that it fires, this thing is pretty cool to load and shoot. The front grip rotates to open the chamber for loading and the shoulder stock doubles as the air pump for charging the cylinder. It can even be field stripped for cleaning! (Marshmallows are not the cleanest-shooting ammo. Even weapons-grade marshmallows leave residue build up after a few rounds.)

 

So, it's fun to load and shoot, but how does it perform? In short, this thing rules! Maximum effective range is approximately thirty feet, while its greatest accuracy is between five and twenty feet. It produces a very satisfying "PHFTT" upon the round leaving the barrel - second only to the "WHOMP" produced when the marshmallow impacts its target. NorthernDaddy hasn't been able to get the local Trooper's Barracks to test the projectile's penetration in ballistics gel, but getting hit by one of these marshmallows is definitely attention-getting.

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Coolest part? LittleNortherner got tired of shooting single rounds in this thing, so he loaded TWO marshmallows into the chamber and pumped it up ten times. He took aim, squeezed the trigger, and the recoil actually rocked him back half a step!  Ha! Major Marshmallow Madness!

 

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL.  FEAR THE MARSHMALLOW!