Talking Turkey

Little bit of humor for all of those travelling for Thanksgiving...

 

Winter Arrives

It's that time again: the annual marking of the First Measurable Snow.

 

There have been a few little flurries of snow this year; enough to leave a dusting on the grass and the cars. Last night was the first "official" snow. The Northerns got just over an inch of snow Saturday night. It came in quickly, too. The Northerns got home late Saturday evening and the weather was cold but dry. One hour later, they were surprised by the sound of a town truck rolling by with a plow down. They peeped out the window and saw a lovely winter wonderland  all around. (Just kidding about that lovely bit - NorthernDaddy hasn't adjusted to the cold yet this year, and is quite unhappy with the snow at this time.)

Please note that this photo is a recycled picture from last winter - it's too windy and cold and dark to go out right now and snap y'all a pretty new picture. So, just pretend that you've never seen this photo before....

 

Think Snow!

 



Disliking Doctors

 

NorthernDaddy doesn't remember many calendar dates - it's too much work for his tired brain. A few important dates stand out: June 28, 2003 (the day he married lovable NorthernMommy), March 22, 2008 (LittleNorthern was born), February 5, 2009 (quit smoking), and October 15, 2013 (the day that the mean ol' doctor killed joy in Daddy's life).

 

In October, NorthernDaddy suddenly began to have problems in his digestive system. NorthernDaddy dislikes doctors and hospitals and anything to do with sickness. He dislikes it enough that he hadn't visited a doctor in more than twenty years. However, the problems Daddy was dealing with were severe enough for him to leave work and go straight to the emergency clinic. (Trust Daddy - leaving work is BAD. It's one of the deadly sins to him.)

NorthernDaddy spent more than five hours in the hospital, submitting to tests and X-rays and endless questions from medical staff. He endured the snivelingly sick roommates and the embarassment of a hospital gown. He even managed to remove a large slice of his scalp by knocking his head into an IV stand. The results of all this poking and prodding?

 

-NorthernDaddy has to stop drinking caffeinated coffee, eating chocolate, and drinking alcohol.-

 

Apparently, NorthernDaddy had too much stomach acid eating away at the chamber between his stomach and intestines. Also apparently, this kind of thing is hereditary (um...why didn't anyone think to tell NorthernDaddy about this?).

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So, why might this be a problem? Well, NorthernDaddy was in the habit of drinking coffee all day long. Somewhere around fifteen or twenty cups a day. It was his "go fuel". Daddy also had a habit of eating chocolate candy bars. Four or five or twelve per day. As for alcohol, the Northerns live in the bleak, frozen North, and they have a five-year-old. Wouldn't you drink, too?

--

It's been four and a half weeks without chocolate. Four and a half weeks without alcohol. NorthernDaddy was brave enough to try half-caffeinated/half decaf coffee - at this point, he can only handle one cup - once a week. Any more than that, and the pain starts up a little bit again.

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So what to do? NorthernDaddy has become an herbal tea connoisseur, a teetotaler, and has lost eleven pounds in four weeks by swearing off chocolate. Why? Did Daddy really want to become a soft, non-drinking, non-eating girly man? Nope. But every time NorthernDaddy thinks about eating a chocolate or pouring a drink, all he's got to do is remember the pain that made him think he was gonna die - he might be disliking doctors, but he's doing it pain-free.....

 

 

 

Whatever Are You Thinking?!

LittleNortherner has come home with homework a few times in the last week. Homework! He's in Kindergarten! NorthernDaddy doesn't remember Elementary School that well, but he's pretty sure he did not have homework in Kindergarten. Oh well; if Mrs.P thinks that the kids need to complete homework in order to "get" what she's teaching, then the Northerns will play along.

(Image found at:boardingschooladvantage.com)

 

NorthernDaddy had gotten used to seeing LittleNortherner doing his homework, and didn't think much about it again until he saw the weekly newsletter on Friday. Five paragraphs of normal school updates and classroom happenings. Blah, blah, blah. Paragraph six was interesting.....

 

Quoting Paragraph Six: "If at any time your student comes home with a worksheet during the week it is because they have asked to have "homework". It does not have to be completed, but some are so excited that that they can finally do work with their big brothers or sisters!"

 

Good Lord! LittleNortherner is asking for homework?

 

Whatever are you thinking?!

 

 

Ice Cold

Hockey season is upon the Northern Family. First, it was a soft start with kitchen hockey (good season so far: nothing has been broken in the kitchen, and NorthernDaddy still has all of his toes). "Real Hockey" started mid-October, and NorthernMommy and Daddy can tell you one thing: it's cold. Sitting on a cold bench two feet from the ice is not the best way to conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings.

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LittleNortherner was pretty good at skating last year. He started last year in a blue jersey (the lowest of skill levels for the program in which he's participating). This year, he's skipped over the second level (white) and wears a silver jersey(third level). He should be good enough for the highest level (black) next year.

 

(This picture was taken at the start of this season - before the new jerseys were handed out)

LittleNortherner is getting quite fast on his skates, and his turns are awesome! Needs some work on stopping (just about every kid on the rink needs work on stopping - a person watching would think that the proper way to stop on hockey skates is to crash into the boards...).

 

In addition to providing the water bottle at breaks and offering some encouragement as Little zooms by, NorthernDaddy has had the opportunity to watch some of Little's mental progressions. Little is getting pretty good at reading the scene unfolding in front of him on the ice and figuring out where the best place is for him to make the play. That gives Mommy and Daddy just a little bit of pride in their little hockey player.

The other mental/attitude thing that NorthernDaddy got to witness was during Freeze Tag. LittleNortherner hates freeze tag on skates. He despises it. He's figured out a trick, though. NorthernDaddy watched Little stand stock still on his skates as they s-l-o-w-l-y drifted him across the ice - past his 'frozen' teammates. As the coaches zipped around and through the group, they just assumed that Little was 'frozen' like all his buddies standing around with their hands up. But, he wasn't frozen. One of the coaches cut a corner very close to LittleNortherner, and - just like a crocodile snapping its prey - Little reached out and tagged him. Sneak crocodile-style attack: that's the LittleNortherner way!

 

 



Umm...

NorthernMommy and Daddy came home to a message on the answering machine. It was the school counselor. Something about 'just want to run something by you. It's not an emergency or worth interrupting you at work or on your cell'.

Now, who gets a call like that (about their kindergartener) and doesn't get a little bit concerned? Or worried? Or flat-out freaked out and starting to mentally run through the scenarios that might have prompted a call?

When NorthernDaddy picked up LittleNortherner from the after-school program, Little didn't have a clue that the interrogation was about to begin. Slowly, carefully, NorthernDaddy started to probe with questions about the day. Little deflected most of the questions with his usual "if I change the topic and divert the conversation, I'll be fine" approach. Finally, Little mentioned that one of the "bad" things at school today was that he had to talk to Mr.****. (Mr.**** is the school counselor, and probably a perfectly nice gentleman - his name will remain shrouded to prevent him being dragged into the crazy messed-up world that is this blog.)

The short story is that one of Little's classmates was hitting him on the back as they waited in line. Instead of asking the offending boy to stop hitting him, Little started pushing him. (Nice...) The teacher wisely sent the two boys to see the counselor for a stern talking-to.

The counselor's version of what happened will be learned tomorrow when the Northerns return his call (seriously, who calls and leaves a message at home when they know that the parents won't get the message until it's too late to call back that day?!), but NorthernDaddy has a suspicion that this call won't be the last of it's type that Mommy and Daddy receive. (Shoulda had a girl...)

--  --

On another topic, NorthernDaddy recently picked up a game camera. Yup, one of those cameras that have the motion-sensing trigger and catches images of the wildlife that passes near the lens. It's been random hits of weeds blowing in the wind and of NorthernDaddy doing morning chores as the Northerns learn how to properly position and set the device. This morning, as NorthernDaddy stumbled upon the resident skunk (for the umpteenth day in a row)(soon, he's just gonna blast it with the 20 gauge), he was sure that the camera had to have caught a picture of the terrifying beast.

 

Yup - proof that Mr. Stinky has been visiting.

 

 

Ready for War

LittleNortherner has equipped himself for slaying dragons. One sword in his hand, three across the front, and two tucked into the back of his belt (for good measure).

In case you're wondering, NorthernDaddy blames Disney.

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Now, NorthernMommy and Daddy did not have a little girl - otherwise, this blog would be much different - and they can only imagine the response that a sweet little girl would have to watching the movie Sleeping Beauty. Maybe a little bit of daydreaming about being saved by the charming prince, or dressing up and pretending to be a fairy godmother?

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LittleNortherner's reaction to Sleeping Beauty was to outfit himself with every blade in his armory so that he could slay the evil dragon. And, since NorthernMommy is the beautiful princess in need of rescue, who do y'all think gets the role of the big, ugly dragon that gets his scaly butt chopped up? That's right: NorthernDaddy.

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Thank you, Disney...

 

 



Duck Decor

NorthernDaddy had some parts at work arrive from the vendor packaged in this:

Naturally, it had to be added to the duck house decor - just to broaden their cultural experience.

 



Northern Apples

The Northerns have an apple tree in their front yard. It's pretty old, and the apples look pretty gnarly. Because the apples look so bad - and because NorthernDaddy sampled some years ago and found that they weren't real tasty - the apples are allowed to fall the ground and feed the local wildlife.

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That's all changed now. An acquaintance from church passes by the Northerns' house all of the time. She'd been keeping tabs on the apples for a few years, and had been hinting to NorthernMommy that the apples were just being wasted by letting them fall. She convinced NorthernMommy to pick those apples and at least use them for cider.

 

It's not slave labor if they're family!

 

See? The apples are not quite ready for their close-up.... These things are gnarly: spots, mold, and insect holes. NorthernDaddy decided to hold out a few to make some apple bread while NorthernMommy and LittleNortherner went off to work the cider press.

As he was peeling the apples to make the bread, NorthernDaddy decided that he had to taste a slice to make sure that the apples weren't so bad that they would mess up his bread. Surprisingly, the apples were sweet and super-delicious.

The cider turned out to be excellent, the bread smells great (waiting for it to cool now), and the apples from the Northerns' tree will be wasted no more! Next year should see a new cider press in the back yard and a small batch of hard cider fermenting - along with regular cider, apple butter, etc.