Look-A-Like

LittleNortherner received a set of glue-on mustaches at his birthday party. (Don't ask. There's a special kind of humor that swirls throughout the Northerns' social circles.)

 LittleNortherner set himself up to look just like his Daddy.

 

(Forgive the fuzzy photo: there was a guest photographer who was laughing too much to keep things in focus.)

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He even matched the gray in the beard. Nice work, LittleN!

 

 

 

Gonna Party Like It's Your Birthday

LittleNortherner just turned FIVE! His parents are just as surprised as y'all are that he made it, what with all of the climbing, acrobatics, and general mayhem that he is involved in. To celebrate the occasion, NorthernMommy coordinated a knight-themed birthday party. To be sure, NorthernDaddy does not recommend that. Not the part about having NorthernMommy host a knight-themed party, but the idea of holding a party that is not at a place that does everything for you. Planning and executing a party is exhausting - too many details and things to think about.

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NorthernMommy rented the building, planned the food and drink, did the invitations, lined up help, and performed a zillion other tasks that needed to be done. NorthernDaddy had three tasks: cake, archery, and catapult.

Cake. Cool deal. No sweat!.......Um.....no store within fifty miles can make up a dragon cake? Not even a flat sheet cake with a crummy line drawing of a dragon? Dammit. Looks like it's gonna take some work.

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How did it come out? It came out great, thank you. NorthernDaddy presents Vermont's largest yellow lizard! (If you tell yourself it's a dragon, eventually you'll believe it!) 

 Archery. Easy. Cool deal. No sweat! Scored a nice toy bow and arrow at the store. Need a dragon target to tie into the knight theme. You know, "Slaying the dragon with a trusty arrow...".  Get a poster with a dragon on it, and this one's done! Nobody sells dragon posters - at least not in the stores that NorthernDaddy can go into. Plan B: draw a giant dragon for a target. Oops - forgot that NorthernDaddy can't draw a thing. Last minute store scouring provided a solution: a dragon kite. Done!

 Catapult. We can do that. No sweat! What possessed NorthernDaddy to think that any store would be selling a kid-sized catapult? They don't. They most emphatically do not, and will stare at you like you're an alien if you ask for one. (NorthernDaddy just had a thought; maybe he should have asked for a catapult for a child instead of a child-sized catapult. Maybe they thought he was going to lauch kids....) Gonna have to build this thing. Plans were found (what did the world do before the internet?), and there was only one problem. The catapult in the plans would launch a tennis ball thirty yards. Hmmmm...take a bunch of kids with no sense of caution and set them loose with a death machine capable of firing ninety feet? Let's find the scaled-down version. Measure, cut, assemble. Done.

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This thing rocks!

 It seemed that things went well and people had fun. A lot of fun - who wouldn't have fun, given the chance to use a bow and a catapult?

 Sorry, one person didn't have too much fun. He kinda jumped around and then lost his head....

 

 



 

Rest in Peace, Mr. Pinata.

 

 

 

 

 

A Winner!

Go here.

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See these quotes: "...as there appears to be a major competition between Andy and myself as to who can make the smoothest, most perfect ball of mozzarella..."

 

"... there will be many more cheese making sessions for me to secure my victory..."

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The Northerns had pasta for dinner tonight. The garnish was home-made mozzarella cheese. NorthernMommy had the brilliant idea to have LittleNortherner complete a blind taste-test of the two mozzarella balls (one made by Mommy, and one perfectly crafted by Daddy). It truly was a blind comparison, because LittleNortherner had no idea that his milk had been swiped and turned into cheese. He was actually like, "Wait a minute...you can make cheese?!" A small sample of each cheese was given to LittleN, and (even with Mommy trying to subtly steer the judge towards her cheese) he promptly - and with no hesitation - chose Daddy's cheese as the best.

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That's right: NorthernDaddy's complete domination of his own kitchen continues!

 

Why the out of season photo of the flower? Because it snowed a lot today, and the Northerns are in need of a reminder of Summer.

 

 



Here They Go Again

It wasn't enough last year to raise three ducklings to maturity, have one fly the coop only to be recovered, and then have a racoon kill all three just before it was roast duck time.....

 

It's that time of year again. Duck Season.

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Let the madness begin...

 

http://haphazardlysustainable.blogspot.com/2013/03/happy-ducklings.html

Dee--Luxe

It's that time of year again. The days start getting longer, temperatures warm up, skunks start wandering (you thought that smell was NorthernDaddy's boots?), and a young man's thoughts turn to......ducks. That's right; ducks are due in at the farm supply store any day. NorthernMommy has been calling them every day to inquire about the ducks' arrival date. (The restraining order used the word 'harassment', but that's another issue....)

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NorthernDaddy started looking around and preparing for the new lunch and dinner menu to arrive - he was going to use the same setup that was used last year, but that caused a problem to arise. That problem is that NorthernMommy likes to park inside the garage. Last year, the large plywood brooder was set up in her garage bay, and she parked on Daddy's side of the garage. Well, this year, Daddy's project has been parked in his garage bay. If the plywood brooder gets used, that means that Mommy's gonna park outside, too. Did you get that earlier reference about NorthernMommy liking to park inside? That means that a new solution must be found.

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 A solution was indeed found. Ladies and Gentlemen, NorthernDaddy would like to present what might be a world's first: a forty-one year old, 3500 lbs duck brooder. We're talking Deluxe Duckling Domicile. 

 

This solution seems to be beneficial on many levels. First (and definitely foremost), NorthernMommy gets to park inside. Second, it's raised off the ground to make daily cleaning easier (don't have to stoop over to refresh bedding, food, or water). Third, maybe the noise and bustle and having people around working on the truck might help to acclimatize the ducklings to humans. Last year's ducks were a little on the skittish side (read that to mean "afraid of absolutely everything"). Hopefully, some noise and company will help the newbies become socialized. (And thus more friendly and welcoming when Mr. Racoon comes to visit for dinner, right?!) (That reminds NorthernDaddy: Gotta beef up the duck house/run as soon as the weather permits - don't want to serve up another duck banquet to that furry bandit. Thinking some heavier wire, an electric fence, and sensor-triggered flame throwers - that ought to do it. There was some thought given to a protective moat, but that was vetoed after the realization that the ducks would just play and swim in the moat - rendering the protective feature null.)

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So there it is, the finest duck brooder in the northern reaches of Vermont!

Brain Dump

It's getting to the end of the week, and in a effort to ease his cranial processing, NorthernDaddy is going to unpack the mental duffel bag. Just a few random things from this week:
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LittleNortherner Sir CheapShot took a break from attacking poor NorthernDaddy King Fluffy Baldness and did his chores.

Put the sword and shield down - even knights have to do their chores...
 

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True first sign of Spring: the town posted the roads. (Three days later than last year - that means that it will be winter for at least a bazillion more weeks and nobody will get to enjoy sunshine or growing vegetables... just shoot us now.)

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NorthernMommy has just about lost her mind. The issue isn't the little demanding goofball in the house (or the big one, either), it's the ladybugs that have set up shop in the walls. When it gets warm, the nice little ladybugs come out of their hiding spots and crawl around on the windows. They also fly all over the house and pretty much rule the joint. It's possible that one darling little bug commandeered the bag of marshmallows and ran off with them - the marshmallows haven't been seen for a week or so, and that's the story that NorthernDaddy is going with: it was the ladybugs. (Yup, 'twas the ladybugs...BURRP....) NorthernMommy doesn't like the ladybugs in the house very much. In fact, after the second or third one landed on her head just as she was drifting off to sleep, she flipped out. The vacuum cleaner came out, and the war was on. NorthernMommy has gone all Rambo on the cute little bugs; the vacuum is her machine gun. She's got an extension cord at hand for extended range and a bandoleer of vacuum bags for quick reloads. It's c r a z y. Throughout the house, when the vacuum motor switches on, you can hear the screaming. Not the bugs....it's Mommy screaming as she annihilates the mass of cute red ladybugs. Die! Die! Everyone into the bag! Die! 

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LittleNortherner thinks Mommy is funny. NorthernDaddy thinks that Mommy has a slight case of cabin fever...

Image found at www.how-to-draw-cartoons-online.com

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Last item to clear from the mental clipboard, even though Daddy isn't sure that one can possibly un-hear something like this, is the notice that LittleNortherner delivered on the way to the bathroom this afternoon.

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"Guys, I'm not LittleNortherner anymore. My name is now Potty Monkey.

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(Daddy swears that he had nothing to do with that one!)

 

 



 

Splat Goes the Salamander

LittleNortherner and NorthernMommy attended "Newt Night" tonight at the local independent bookstore. NorthernDaddy, while he supports local businesses, is glad that he was not required to accompany the rest of the family. He's guessing that it was a fun and informative event, but LittleNortherner came back babbling about scooping salamanders off the road while wearing a construction worker's coat. Huh?

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After LittleNortherner went to bed, NorthernMommy helped to fill Daddy in on the specifics of what the boy was yammering about. She showed Daddy some papers that were handed out so that people could keep track of exactly how many amphibians they scrape off the road. You think that NorthernDaddy is kidding? Look at the sheet below and note the column that is marked 'DEAD'.



Best that NorthernDaddy can tell, the aspiring Amphibian Road Crossing Assistant is supposed to wear rain gear and reflective clothing ('cause you go out on rainy nights) and spend time helping poor, defenseless amphibians cross the road. 'Cause they're too stupid to do it on their own.

 

The tip sheet that NorthernMommy handed me is full of helpful information...if you're going out to help the froggies and salamanders. For NorthernDaddy, it's mainly a source of humor:

 

* Drive slowly; about 15 mph, and keep your eye fixed on the road - scanning for frogs and salamanders*  (NorthernDaddy wants to know if the creatures can move out of the way of a vehicle going 15 mph. Or 10. Or even 2.5 mph.....)

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*Keep your windows open at all times as you drive. The "quack" of wood frogs might be the first indicator you have that you're near a breeding pool.*  (Or, the "splat" of squishy frogs under your tires might be your first indicator...)

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*Once you locate a good crossing spot, pull onto the side of the road. Always stop where your car is easily visible to other traffic. It's also good not to stop directly in front of a house - you'll worry the homeowners if you do.* (Yup, those homeowners will be quite worried to see a full-grown man wearing flashy reflective clothing and a shiny headlamp running all over the road with a spatula. A spatula?, you ask. Yes, a spatula. Did NorthernDaddy forget to mention that?We'll get there in a minute.)

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*Move live animals in the direction they were headed* (nah, mess with them a little and spin 'em around before letting them go) * Be sure to count every individual of every species that you see* (oh shit, we're supposed to be counting? It's dark and raining, and we've been too busy with the spatula to count!) 

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*Using a spatula, move the dead amphibians off the road, so as to avoid them being counted twice. Be sure to record these in the separate "dead" column.* (Sorry, y'all - NorthernDaddy can't type because he's laughing to the point of crying....where do we start? Picture our hero scooping and flipping all those dead amphibians off the road at the same time he's scooting the live ones safely to the side. And be sure not to count them dead ones twice...how hard is that? They're DEAD - not moving all around and making you think, "Did I count that one yet?")

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And, the best for last (and it's in bold type- the only thing on the page that's been bolded - it's that important): *Be sure to check under your car for amphibians before you leave.* (NorthernDaddy would just love to see our wonderful Amphibian Helper spend two hours saving the frogs and newts in the dark and rain, then get into his car and unwittingly flatten two dozen of his friends as he pulls away.....)



Medieval

 NorthernMommy and LittleNortherner got home before Daddy again today. There was a package waiting for them at the door. When NorthernDaddy got home, NorthernMommy was in the living room and Sir Goofs a Lot was guarding the kitchen. That's right, the package contained one "Turn Your Child into a Fierce Knight that Will Attack Your Knees" kit.   Dang it, Grandma - that is a hard plastic sword in that there kit, and now Daddy's knees hurt.

 LittleNortherner Sir Picks His Nose has successfully learned Rule #1 for archery equipment: Never point an arrow at a person. (Failure to obey this rule results in learning where on a tree one might find a 'switch'.) (Amazingly, Rule #1 has not been broken yet.)

Still working on technique.....think he's hoping to hit the target with a ricochet off the ceiling....

Over the Rainbow

As NorthernDaddy entered the house this afternoon, he was greeted by LittleNortherner, who was busy being an artist. He wasn't being all Bob Ross on the canvas (remember "Happy Little Trees"?), rather, he was fully immersed in his work - with a hand smothered in green paint and a whole lot of creative exuberance being displayed.

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When he was done, there was a four-leaf clover, a rainbow, and what appears to be a Leprechaun on the easel. All in honor of the approaching St.Patrick's Day. NorthernDaddy was going to correct the little artist on some of his pictoral choices (shamrocks vs four-leaf clovers/ Leprechauns are not, in fact, just little Irish people), but then realized that Daddy knows very little about St. Patrick's Day beyond the US customs of wearing green and imbibing copious amounts of alcohol/green beer. Guess the painting stands as the artist intended...

Well done, LittleNortherner. Now go get Daddy a green beer....

Outside...

The temperature finally made it to the mid-40s with the sun shining, so it was time to get outside and enjoy a world without snow or freezing wind.

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LittleNortherner has never been bold enough to climb this "spider web thingie" at the local playground. Apparently today's motto was 'Do or Die', because he started right up and across this thing without hesitation (or NorthernDaddy standing nearby to catch a fall).

 

He made it, no problems. He's pretty proud of himself for tackling a scary task and succeeding at it.

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Mud Season is almost official - there is slushy, boot-grabbing mud everywhere, from the driveway to the playground.

This Is Normal

Welcome to the Madhouse that the Northerns live in.

 

Ski goggles at breakfast.

"Karate" at dawn.

See, Grandma? He really does calm down every once in a while!