NorthernDaddy Has An Identity Crisis

As a home owner, suburban homesteader, and fledgling 'farmer' - damn chickens (and probably soon, darn rabbits), there are quite a few times that I need a truck. From carrying full sheets of plywood and drywall to hauling lawn equipment and garden fencing, and even to picking up supplies from the farm store - there are definitely times that I need a truck.

Now, I used to have a very nice truck. My Toyota Tacoma was the perfect truck for me: good-looking, capable four wheel drive, small enough to get fair gas mileage and fit in my garage while still big enough to carry anything I needed to, and I loved that truck. Unfortunately, the frame was defective and Toyota Motor Corp. was nice enough to purchase it back for a little more than what I paid for it (essentially, I got free use of the truck for five years!). Also unfortunately, my wife decreed that she was next in line to get a new vehicle. Since I know that she was right, and I'm just smart enough to keep myself from a severe beating, the money did go towards getting her a nice used vehicle (side note: hey, JC - you guys got every other option, why not the heated seats? That woulda come in handy up here in VT!). She got the new car, I inherited her old car.

That is where my identity crisis comes in: I am not a car guy. I learned to drive in a full-size Chevy van. I've owned two Jeep CJ-7 s. I used to have my Tacoma. I like vehicles that are off the ground and provide visibility. I prefer vehicles that have purpose - work trucks and 4x4 s. I firmly believe that what a man drives is a reflection of who he is and what he does.

Following that theory, think about what my current vehicle says about me.... Not the most manly, I-have-a-purpose vehicle on the road, now is it?!

I have to make my trips to Lowes and Home Depot in this thing. At least there, I can park with all of the other people in wuss cars who are there buying the things they need to complete the latest project that they've seen on HGTV.

But not at the feed store.

I've had need to visit farm stores/feed stores several times in the last few days. Rolling across the gravel parking lots with my tiny tires wobbling all over the place and squeaking to a stop in the shadow of some rancher's 1ton pickup makes me feel.....inadequate. Nothing screams 'city-boy' quite so well as a Chevy Prizm. Makes me want to slink away behind the cattle troughs and hide. It also makes me mad - I'm being judged by the car that I drive. Assumptions are made that I'm a stranger to this world of agriculture; that I'm intruding on the hallowed grounds of the good ol' boy; that I know nothing. Well, there are many things I'm getting into about which I know little, but I will man up, admit it, and ask for help. And if you appear to know your s***, I will listen to your advice and thank you for your help. Don't judge me by merely looking at my vehicle - you don't know the circumstances behind why I'm driving that econo-box. You don't know that I work as hard as you - if not harder - most days. (While we're making assumptions here, judging by that pristine John Deere cap and the un-scuffed boots you're wearing, you don't work all that much anyway.) Back off and let the nice man behind the counter answer my question.

Before I get too far into a rant about judging others by the cars that they drive, let me flip it back onto myself and say that while I need a truck to carry things, I also want a truck because of the image that a proper truck conveys. So, yes, I'm saying to judge me by what I drive....but wait until I'm driving a truck to make that judgement! For my self-image, a truck represents the ability to get things done - to do it myself - to not get stuck in the snow - it shows that I'm "manly". Okay, yeah, that's stupid - there are manly men out there driving around in Geo Metros, but you wouldn't guess it by our culture. In the US, small car = useless man.

So, if I feel that way, why don't I just go buy a truck? Well, the car is paid for, and I won't go into debt to buy a vehicle ever again. We're working on being debt-free, so there isn't any money to go towards a truck fund yet. Possibly by next year there will be some cash saved to buy a proper truck. The other issue is that I have to find the right truck. It has to have the proper character - an old truck, or a farm truck beater, or an old Jeep - something that reflects who I think I am. It also has to have more room than this:

That's a single 3 cubic foot bale of bedding. It's a single bale because the two bales I wanted would not fit. There's only enough room in that trunk for the one bale and a box with jumper cables and road flares (when you drive a Prizm, those are standard items!) The back seat was crowded with NorthernToddler's carseat and two tomato cages. I need more room!

I have managed to carry some interesting cargo in this vehicle: I've filled the trunk with enough salvaged wood to build a large workbench. I managed to snake a 3' x 4' piece of 5/16" steel plate into the back seat (that sucker had to weigh more than 150lbs, and tried to bust out my windows, too!). Gas cans for the mowers, building materials for the house, and even dirty cloth diapers to the laundry (never again! - the interior is ruined forever after weekly diaper runs for a year!) - all things that I've carried in this car. Even so, when I roll into the feed store, it only takes a small container kept in the glovebox to store my self-esteem while I have my identity crisis.