Living Large

A few facts:

-Heating oil is expensive. $3.89 per gallon this week.

-NorthernDaddy is miserly, stingy, and cheap when it comes to oil.

Thus, the thermostat in the Northerns' house is set to a max of 65 degrees. It drops even lower at night and when they're at work. In NorthernDaddy's mind, being uncomfortably cold is better than spending a fortune on heating oil. For the past few years, the furnace has sucked down about five hundred gallons of oil during a heating season. Thanks to a mild winter, the Northerns are on track to burn only 325 gallons. Being cold (and a tightwad) pays off.

Enduring a cold house is tough, but it's the price that NorthernToddler and Mommy pay so that they can avoid hearing Daddy's rants about the cost of heating oil. The instant someone complains about being cold, Daddy launches off into a thirty-minute tirade about the high price of oil and how he shouldn't have to constantly fill the tank and this and that - complete with graphs and charts showing the upward trend of the price of oil versus the stagnant growth of the household budget. If he's really fired up, the phrase "go put on a sweater" might even be heard.

There is the occasional day during the heating season that is cause for celebration. It comes when NorthernDaddy finally breaks down and calls the fuel company for a delivery. When family members arrive home and see the little delivery ticket tucked into the door frame, they know: it's Heating Oil Day. This little-known holiday is celebrated by an act known as "Cranking the Heat". For twenty-four hours after a delivery of oil, NorthernDaddy will allow the thermostat to be raised all of the way up to a glorious 75 degrees. It's a way to celebrate and relax for a short time; knowing that the tank is full. Tomorrow, NorthernDaddy can go back to his mental calculations of house temperature vs rate of fuel consumption vs market price of #2 Residential Heating Oil. Today, the Northerns shall roast!

NorthernToddler is happy....

Insanity

Yes, the title has been used recently (very recently) to describe happenings in the Northern household. Well, it's being used again because there doesn't seem to be another word that accurately describes life with NorthernToddler. It seems that, somewhere in his mind, Toddler has set a goal to drive his mother and father crazy. The goal is to do this before he turns four. In recent days, Toddler has realized that he only has a few precious weeks - and he has launched an aggressive assault to reach his goal.

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This means that NorthernDaddy and Mommy have seen and heard some really weird things this week.

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Yesterday, Toddler went streaking through the kitchen on his way to the potty. That's pretty normal around here. Toddler gets so busy playing or reading or driving his parents batty that he doesn't realize that he needs to use the bathroom until the very last minute - and then he goes sprinting to the potty. Normal for everyone by now. The unusual part came when Toddler called out for Daddy to "come here". Normally, this means "wipe my butt". Ugh. Daddy headed for the bathroom to perform his duties only to find that Toddler had already wiped his own butt. Then, he had balled up a wad of toilet paper and lodged it between his 'cheeks'. So, when Daddy entered the bathroom, there was Toddler - butt in the air and a puffy ball of toilet paper sticking out.

"Look...I'm a bunny rabbit!"

Now, NorthernDaddy is no fool. He was sure to keep Toddler from seeing him laughing because that would just encourage that kind of behavior. So what to do?

"Um...nice, son. How 'bout you go show your momma?"

And he did! He waddled along backwards with his pants down - out through the kitchen towards NorthernMommmy, yelling, "I'm a bunny rabbit! I'm a bunny rabbit!"



Trying to "Off" NorthernDaddy?

NorthernDaddy thinks that someone in the family is  trying to take him out. Gone. Kapoof. No more NorthernDaddy. Your first thought? Yeah, Daddy's first suspect would be NorthernToddler, too. That hyperactive, milk-swilling, bundle of joy has it in for his Daddy. Always punching him in the leg, dropping things on him, and aiming for his head when lauching off the sofa. Yup, if anyone had told NorthernDaddy that a member of his own family was trying to snuff him, the first guess would be TODDLER.

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Turns out that there is another member of the Northern Clan that wants Daddy to become ill or...dead. Please take a moment to read this post at her blog: http://haphazardlysustainable.blogspot.com/2012/01/laundry-detergent.html

While it's nice that Mommy is saving the family some money and possibly saving the environment at the same time, it is sad that she is trying to send Daddy for a dirt nap while she's doing so. Take a look at the photo below:

That is a picture of NorthernDaddy's dinner cooking. The other two occupants of the house already had their dinners, so Daddy was forced to cook his own food. Possibly because she did not have to partake of the yumminess that is chicken and rice, Mommy seemed to have no problem with melting down soap in that big black pot on the back burner. It probably wouldn't have been a problem if Mommy hadn't been drizzling shredded soap over the pan of chicken every time she added to that pot. Ugh! Aughh! Soap in the chicken! NorthernDaddy's gonna die!

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So far, NorthernDaddy has survived. Just be sure to keep an eye on those two -Toddler and Mommy- if anything "unfortunate" should befall poor NorthernDaddy. They're trying to get rid of him for sure!