Insanity

Yes, the title has been used recently (very recently) to describe happenings in the Northern household. Well, it's being used again because there doesn't seem to be another word that accurately describes life with NorthernToddler. It seems that, somewhere in his mind, Toddler has set a goal to drive his mother and father crazy. The goal is to do this before he turns four. In recent days, Toddler has realized that he only has a few precious weeks - and he has launched an aggressive assault to reach his goal.

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This means that NorthernDaddy and Mommy have seen and heard some really weird things this week.

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Yesterday, Toddler went streaking through the kitchen on his way to the potty. That's pretty normal around here. Toddler gets so busy playing or reading or driving his parents batty that he doesn't realize that he needs to use the bathroom until the very last minute - and then he goes sprinting to the potty. Normal for everyone by now. The unusual part came when Toddler called out for Daddy to "come here". Normally, this means "wipe my butt". Ugh. Daddy headed for the bathroom to perform his duties only to find that Toddler had already wiped his own butt. Then, he had balled up a wad of toilet paper and lodged it between his 'cheeks'. So, when Daddy entered the bathroom, there was Toddler - butt in the air and a puffy ball of toilet paper sticking out.

"Look...I'm a bunny rabbit!"

Now, NorthernDaddy is no fool. He was sure to keep Toddler from seeing him laughing because that would just encourage that kind of behavior. So what to do?

"Um...nice, son. How 'bout you go show your momma?"

And he did! He waddled along backwards with his pants down - out through the kitchen towards NorthernMommmy, yelling, "I'm a bunny rabbit! I'm a bunny rabbit!"



Trying to "Off" NorthernDaddy?

NorthernDaddy thinks that someone in the family is  trying to take him out. Gone. Kapoof. No more NorthernDaddy. Your first thought? Yeah, Daddy's first suspect would be NorthernToddler, too. That hyperactive, milk-swilling, bundle of joy has it in for his Daddy. Always punching him in the leg, dropping things on him, and aiming for his head when lauching off the sofa. Yup, if anyone had told NorthernDaddy that a member of his own family was trying to snuff him, the first guess would be TODDLER.

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Turns out that there is another member of the Northern Clan that wants Daddy to become ill or...dead. Please take a moment to read this post at her blog: http://haphazardlysustainable.blogspot.com/2012/01/laundry-detergent.html

While it's nice that Mommy is saving the family some money and possibly saving the environment at the same time, it is sad that she is trying to send Daddy for a dirt nap while she's doing so. Take a look at the photo below:

That is a picture of NorthernDaddy's dinner cooking. The other two occupants of the house already had their dinners, so Daddy was forced to cook his own food. Possibly because she did not have to partake of the yumminess that is chicken and rice, Mommy seemed to have no problem with melting down soap in that big black pot on the back burner. It probably wouldn't have been a problem if Mommy hadn't been drizzling shredded soap over the pan of chicken every time she added to that pot. Ugh! Aughh! Soap in the chicken! NorthernDaddy's gonna die!

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So far, NorthernDaddy has survived. Just be sure to keep an eye on those two -Toddler and Mommy- if anything "unfortunate" should befall poor NorthernDaddy. They're trying to get rid of him for sure!

NorthernToddler - Keeping Fit

Insanity

The Northerns have lost their minds (once again).

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What did they do this time?

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They bought NorthernToddler a pair of downhill skis.

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Now, NorthernDaddy's only contribution to this endeavor was to purchase the skis, boots, and HELMET! NorthernDaddy has only been on a ski hill once. The story has been told before: he fell down getting off the lift; it took more than an hour of coaching by (and fighting with) NorthernMommy to fall his way down the hill; and there was the depressing later revelation that the hill that conquered NorthernDaddy was not even the "bunny hill" - it was smaller than that. NorthernDaddy does not downhill ski. He enjoys cross-country skiing, but he does not downhill ski.

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NorthernMommy grew up in this frozen Northern Wasteland (it was minus 15 degrees last night) and has been skiing all her life. Skiing is taught in school. She knows what she's doing on the ski slope. She was picked to teach Toddler how to ski and, since today was a school holiday, decided to give him his first taste of falling down in the snow. The local park provided a small downhill slope, and this is the result of Toddler's first skiing excursion. (Keep in mind that he had a "food" lesson: NorthernMommy told him to keep his skis like french fries (straight/parallel) to go downhill and to make them like pizza (wedge) to stop. Why couldn't NorthernDaddy get instruction like that?!)



Looks like he's a natural, doesn't it?

Take a Deep Breath and Count to Ten

NorthernDaddy: "I'm going to start counting, and you had better stop that before I get to five or you'll go into Time-Out."

NorthernToddler (chiming in at) "two....three....four...."

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Don't you just hate that?

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Time to take a deep breath and count to ten...