The Northern Clan had to be in New Hampshire for a wedding last Friday evening, and decided to spend Saturday at a lovely little theme park named STORYLAND! Those of our readers that hail from the North will know of Storyland. Those readers who live considerably south of the Massachusetts state line might be a little bit confused. The trick for y'all is going to be to think of any grand amusement park - maybe Busch Gardens or Six Flags - and add Mother Goose or the Brothers Grimm. The target demographic for this park is anyone under the age of eight (or one big doofus around the age of thirty-four...I'm still surprised that they let me into the park!)
The first thing that we ran into when we entered the park was Mr. Humptey-Dumptey. (He's quite the stylish clothes-horse, isn't he?!) If you push the button like it says on the sign, a chorus recites the nursery rhyme and ends with, "it took all of the king's horses and all the king's men to put Humptey back together again". If you stop and read the sign two feet away, it states, "and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humptey back together again". SO WHICH IS IT?!! We're not forty feet into this park, and the kids are getting contradictory messages already? Sheesh, I need a drink.....
If you look closely at the picture above, you'll notice that Humptey is trying to pinch my butt. (I'm not sure why I'm smiling about that?!)
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe....well she certainly worked in the shoe! There was a real, live old woman that sat inside this shoe all day handing out stickers to the kiddies. You can see Levi running like mad to get away from the old woman!
Trying out the merry-go-round. (Not sure which childrens' story has tigers spinning in circles, but I didn't design the park.)(It was some dude reading nursery rhymes and tripping acid...)
Hot Rod Swan Boats!
(Not so hot rod. We could barely get out of the way of our own shadow, much less boat number two, which was piloted by a demented 12-year-old whose brain had apparently been cannibalized by some bad cotton candy.)
The absolute coolest place in Storyland - Loopy Lab! Two levels of fun: the lower level has a whole lotta vacuum machines - set one of the foam balls in a hose, and it sucks it right up and shoots it across the room (think bank drive through machine - but way more fun!) The upper level has these cool shooters (see below) that are hooked up to compressed air hoses - load a ball, aim it at some poor kid below, and pelt away!
Further proof that this park was designed by someone under the influence of illegal substances: this is a barn that tilts and spins thirty feet off of the ground. I don't think you caught that - this is a BARN that TILTS and SPINS THIRTY FEET IN THE AIR! I'm totally amazed that those big windows aren't plastered with kid puke all the time.
At the end of the day, NB/T was kind enough to chauffer Northern Mommy and Daddy around the garden on his big green tractor. He's quite the driver - he didn't run off the road one bit!
If you look closely at the picture above, you'll notice that Humptey is trying to pinch my butt. (I'm not sure why I'm smiling about that?!)
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe....well she certainly worked in the shoe! There was a real, live old woman that sat inside this shoe all day handing out stickers to the kiddies. You can see Levi running like mad to get away from the old woman!
Little Miss Northern Mommy sat on a tuffet....and this big ol' spider drops out of the sky to terrorize innocent little children....
Trying out the merry-go-round. (Not sure which childrens' story has tigers spinning in circles, but I didn't design the park.)(It was some dude reading nursery rhymes and tripping acid...)
Hot Rod Swan Boats!
(Not so hot rod. We could barely get out of the way of our own shadow, much less boat number two, which was piloted by a demented 12-year-old whose brain had apparently been cannibalized by some bad cotton candy.)The absolute coolest place in Storyland - Loopy Lab! Two levels of fun: the lower level has a whole lotta vacuum machines - set one of the foam balls in a hose, and it sucks it right up and shoots it across the room (think bank drive through machine - but way more fun!) The upper level has these cool shooters (see below) that are hooked up to compressed air hoses - load a ball, aim it at some poor kid below, and pelt away!
Further proof that this park was designed by someone under the influence of illegal substances: this is a barn that tilts and spins thirty feet off of the ground. I don't think you caught that - this is a BARN that TILTS and SPINS THIRTY FEET IN THE AIR! I'm totally amazed that those big windows aren't plastered with kid puke all the time.
At the end of the day, NB/T was kind enough to chauffer Northern Mommy and Daddy around the garden on his big green tractor. He's quite the driver - he didn't run off the road one bit!
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