You Didn't.....

NorthernToddler didn't want to go to sleep last night. He pitched fits for a few hours after his bedtime and invented story after story about why he shouldn't be in bed. NorthernMommy and Daddy finally wore him down by ignoring most of his presentations:

(NorthernToddler) "I'm thirsty..."

(NorthernMommy) "Go to bed."

--

(Toddler) "I'm hungry..."

(Daddy) " Dinner was less than an hour ago. Go to sleep."

--

(Toddler) "I want the light on..."

(Mommy) "GO TO SLEEP!"

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(Toddler) "The ladybugs are going to get me and eat me up and I'll be in their tummies...."

(Daddy) "Well, maybe then you'll be quiet..."

--

Finally, NorthernToddler went to sleep. NorthernParents went to sleep, too. Until two am.

"Mommy! Mooommyyyy! My blankets fell off!"

This phrase was repeated several dozen times until NorthernDaddy could tolerate it no more and descended the stairs to Toddler's room. Now, NorthernMommy has instituted a policy that states that: "You're three years old. You're old enough to pick up your own blankets and put them back on your bed by yourself. Don't wake Mommy and Daddy to do it for you." This policy meant that NorthernDaddy could not toss Toddler into his bed and cover him with blankets. Instead, he gave a step-by-step lesson on how to lay out the blankets on Toddler's bed, with Toddler doing a lot of crying and saying, " I can't do it!" Thirty minutes it took to walk the three-year-old through the process and get him back in bed. (The technique used is similar to how hostage negotiators do their jobs....)

Fifteen minutes after NorthernDaddy got back into bed, a very quiet 'click' signalled that NorthernToddler's bedroom door had shut. Another trip down the stairs, to find Toddler sitting at the kitchen table - kitchen light burning bright - reading a book. Another gentle redirection towards the bed and sleep.

--

At three-fifteen in the morning, a voice at the bottom of the stairs announces: "I can't sleep."

--

NorthernDaddy charged down the stairs, quickly found a roll of neon green duct tape that Mommy had for some project or another, and placed NorthernToddler back into bed.

(Now, before anyone gets all worked up and calls DCF or Child Protective Services or the federales or anything, please note that NorthernToddler was not really taped into his bed. The tape runs across the top of the blanket and is not secured to any fixed object. NorthernToddler was perfectly free to move - but he thought that he was taped in. It worked like a charm - we all got another two hours of sleep!)

--

NorthernDaddy climbed upstairs and got back into bed, and NorthernMommy asked: "You didn't really duct tape our child to his bed, did you?"

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"Yes I did - Goodnight."