Television Dilemma

Ever wonder if you're making the right choices as a parent?

After this morning's local news was over, Maury Povitch's show came on. The intro was all about how this fine upstanding young man might have offended his perfectly innocent and loving wife ("when she woke up from a nap, she caught him having phone sex with another woman..."). A few seconds later, "and he gave me a STD when I wuz pregnant..." - okay, got the gist of the show.

CLICK (only one click, because we get two channels in this house!)

"Now on VPT..." (Okay, for those of you who might live outside of the qualifications of having a 'Northern Baby', VPT is Vermont Public Television - a fine channel by any standard, although today I kinda wish I could be watching a warm, sunny beach in person instead of viewing VPT and a snow flurry) Anyway, the option on VPT is some kind of children's show about learning letters and words and good moral lessons.


SO,.....do I let Levi watch Maury or VPT? Maury offers lessons in honesty, conflict resolution, and real life. VPT offers lessons in honesty, spelling, and - in this particular show - extreme boredom. Maury will feature screaming, fighting, and possibly some "skank hos"- in short: entertainment. VPT's show will feature me screaming at the impossibly slow and dense cartoon characters, no chance of entertainment, and the only fighting is Levi wrestling for control of the remote so that he can change it back to the Maury show.

Boy, I'm stuck! Maury or VPT? Which show is looking out for the interests of my beloved young son (who at seven months old, should not be watching TV anyway)? This parenting thing is waaaaaay harder than anyone lets on....


As a side note, I have a totally new idea for children's television programming. It's a hybrid show, combining the current crop of shows (Sesame Street, Clifford the Big Red Mutt, etc.) with a little bit of something that will engage the fathers of the tykes - something that encourages us dads to tune in with our kids and really take charge of educating our little ones. I think the element that gets blended in to make these great new shows should be....(drum roll, please)... Grand Theft Auto! (ta-daaaa!)

Now think about how awesome a learning tool this could be: Shootem-up Sesame Street. Bob the Builder? How about we change that to Bob the Bomber?! New characters: Dora the Drug Dealer. Elmo the Junkie. (wait a minute - Sesame Street is on right now, and we've just segued into Elmo's World. Watching this guy, I think that Elmo is already a tweaker. Maybe my hybrid shows would be easier to create than I think!)

What dad wouldn't PAY for the chance to sit side-by-side with his child and immerse themselves into a land of real-world learning about choices, consequences, and quick decision making? Just imagine..........two fuzzheads on the screen ask if you know the Spanish word for butterfly...quick, son, toss a grenade! BOOM!......some weird shaggy red Muppet asks if you can find the letter E (when it's on the screen in four inch font), and then w a i t s for fifteen seconds to let you look for it: well, my boy, I believe this calls for a quick double-tap in the forehead with your MP5. Good shooting, son! The possibilities for learning and father-son (or daughter) bonding are virtually limitless!


So, even as I wish for quality interactive programming on my TV, I still find myself confronted by parenting dilemmas (Maury or VPT?).

Thank goodness that Levi's nap time came up before I had to commit to one of the shows! There's always a convenient distraction to help with parenting dilemmas!

Now, if only someone could fix the problem of having to change diapers....!